Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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how can i tell him??

deleted_user
deleted_user
Last week i did something stupid, thoughtless and cruel. After my partner went to work i got all my stuff together and left him. I don't know why, although i was a bit manic, we didn't even have an argument, things have been going so well between us.

I know it was a horrid thing to do, i didnt call him, text him just left him to come home from work and find me gone. I got a load of messages on my phone pleading with me to tell him what hed done wrong, that id broken his heart etc.

So he found me at my friends house and i got in his car and we talked. He was angry and quite rightfully - i couldn't even explain myself and he doesn't know i'm ill. Even if he did he wouldn't understand.

He came out with some really nasty things:
- I need to pull myself together, because i act like i'm the only one whos ever been through shit.
- I'm a dirty slag (i know he said that just to upset me)
- I need to get over the fact my grandads dying because its a reality, people die, and im making a big thing out of it.
- I've just used him so i can get over my own issues
- He can't believe he let someone as fucked up as me around his daughter, and that i hadn't just abandoned him, ive abandoned her (that really hurt)

and lots of other things.

Were back together now, and i'm glad hes forgiven me and its all sorted but i just can't forget these things... and i'm ment to be able to tell him i'm mentally ill????? i dont know what to do anymore....
tommymott
tommymott
Tell him. People may not "understand" us but they sure understand what we do and that alone shows that there's something wrong. Mostly I think we hide from ourselves and that doesn't do anybody any good!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with tommymott...couldn't put it any better myself. Those things he said would've hurt anyone much less someone with bipolar so yes, you need to tell him. Whether he "understands" or not is irrelevant. He needs to know. You never know if this may happen again or not and he should be prepared as well as you. Always communicate or a relationship will never last or be as it was meant to be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband calls me the "destroyer of lives" we are currently separated and I miss him with all that I am. My advice to you is be honest, tell him, get into some counceling and some meds if you have not done so already. You didnt want to leave him, your bipolar put its defenses up. We make rash decisons and say things we dont intend and then feel the hurt sometime later. Please tell him, have him join here and we can talk to him as well. Best of luck sweetie!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree, too. It isn't fair to him or yourself. He needs to understand why you do the things you do. I went through a couple of relationships like that. I was quick to pack up and leave...I only went back to two of them (usually when i came up missing, I was gone for good). I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me but I knew something was wrong. Once I was diagnosed and understood BP, I was like so THAT's whats wrong with me. Before then I was paranoid it was a hundred other things. Explaining your illness will give him a clearer picture of who you are and might help the both of you avoid future problems.

PS If it was said outta anger, let it go. We all say things we don't mean when we are hurt or pissed off.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you can't forgive his words, how can he forgive your actions?
You need to tell him about your illness. Maybe have him come to the pdoc with you for an explanation of the disorder if you're not able to express yourself.
You may need to have a 'plan' for the next time you feel like escaping. Call a friend/family member to stop you from being so rash. When our minds tell us to do something, generally we follow along unless we recognize the danger zone we're heading into. See your pdoc and your tdoc to let them know what you did. You may need a med adjustment.
peace, t
deleted_user
deleted_user
Possibly get him a book or send him to a family web site maybe they can expain better. Educating him may take alot of pressure off. He'll say Oh that explains alot!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ya you need to tell him about your BP. It explains a lot of things... I always follow it up with I am BP and I do stupid things I often regret as I dont mean to cause harm but I couldnt control my self at that time. The thing is I am working on finding the right tools to enable my self to not do those hurtful things to myself and my loved ones. One of the tools I need is a loving partner that is willing to learn about me enough to notice when I am triggered and lovingly intervien

By putting it that way it sets them up to either be a very obvious jerk in which case the relationship is wrong, or to realize he can be your 'hero' and do the right thing. Not telling him is like living a life based off a lie and at the very least says you dont trust him enough to share that part of you that is most personal. Of cource you dont spit this out on a first date but I get the feeling your far past that... and its that time he will either chose to love who you are to the full extent or just be a harmful trigger in your life...

I hope he does the right thing and love you for you... bust wishes and big huggs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forget about telling him. He'll just use it against you, later. Just focus on yourself and getting yourself healthy. I know it is tempting to tell him. You are just normal. What you are doing is normal, just get counseling for yourself and make a plan for what you can do next time you feel like packing and leaving for no reason at all. Make it fun. Use this group. How is telling him you are BP going to change anything. Only you recognizing your needs and what you need to do to avoid moving again is important. It's tempting to want to tell but what help will that have? It'll just be thrown in your face. No?
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