Today has been the worst day i've had in so. so long. I don't know whether it's because the Pdoc has me on a new med. (Lamictal) & i'm not reacting well, or a lot of issues just came to a head all at once. Promised myself i'd get in & REALLY clean my bedroom; sweated, shook & had major anxiety attacks all through the day 'till I finally got it done. Then, my husband was on the phone with a friend & he was laughing at me with his friend because my biggest dream in life is to retire in Mexico. He told his friend I was a F'ing idiot & he'd never consider living in Mexico; over his dead body. I haven't really flipped in a long, long time but that just put me over the edge. I screamed at him while he was still on the phone & told him to stop laughing at me & that he was a son-of-a-b. All through our marriage he has had the last word on all major decisions. When he met me I was a single mom in crisis & he DID help me raise my children & is a good provider but ONLY if I go along with his decisions. He chose a town I didn't want to live in when we bought the house; I didn't want a 2-family house but that's all he'd consider; anything that is bought for the house is his choice,not mine. Because I have a spending problem my paycheck goes directly into his account & he doles out what he wants me to have each week. He isn't a mean man he just uses financial security as a weapon against me & a means of control. He said no chains were holding me if I don't want to live with him but he knows that's a joke, as I have nothing. No money of my own, even if I wanted to leave. This is sooo horrible, but he's much older than me & sometimes I sort of hope he dies so the house will get paid off (we have mortgage ins.) & then I can sell it & buy my house in Mexico. I know it's deplorable but I feel so stuck in a situation I can't get out of. I'm really a mess today. Usually I just don't feel anything much & just go on day to day......but not today,
Posts You May Be Interested In
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...