I am in such a bad place, and I am trying so hard to just sit with everything and let it pass. I am the type of person who just can't sit with herself. I keep having these.. these incredibly vivid dreams that I die in. Everything is just so graphic.. and it's always in some horrible way. My funeral is awful to watch and people I would expect to be there, just aren't. I know they are just dreams, but they are impacting my life is such a HUGE way. Today I was sitting at work, and I was like, OMG.. what if I do die?! Then someone will have to go through all of my stuff.. so I came home and I am now in the middle of purging everything I own. I am also not speaking to my best friend. The one person in the world who gets me. Everything is so tense. I tried to make amends and it just didn't go well at all. I am just alone, and sitting with all of these horrible feelings and scenarios. The best part of the dreams is that I am actually sleeping again, almost eight hours.. as compared to my normal three. I can't wake myself from the dreams. I don't know, I'm sorry I needed to vent.
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