Hello there everyone. I am new to this, so bare with me. I haven't sought support for my disorder over the internet, until now.

My name is Amanda and I just wanted to give a brief overview of my experience with bi-polar.

I had suffered with panic disorder from the age of 18 or so and it was the worst thing I had ever gone through - or so I thought. I was on meds and getting better.

Then at the age of 23, a week before Christmas, I started feeling really great. I wasn't getting much sleep and starting thinking things that I now know were totally unrealistic but at the time I thought I had overcome my panic! FINALLY! Little did I know, I was extremely sick.

I thought I was an author, getting married, pregnant (so I stopped taking my panic meds), a celebrity... and so forth.

I live 2 hours away from all of my family. So I was driven to them on Boxing Day from my future in-laws and then taken to the local hospital.

From there, my doctor tried to medicate me... I fought, police were called, I was handcuffed and restained to a bed, then given some kind of medication. The hospital was not equipped with a psychiatric ward, so I was taken via ambulance to a psychiatric hospital about an hour away. I don't remember much about the first 5 days there but as soon as I 'came to' and was transferred from 'lock-down', I signed myself out of there. Not knowing I was still sick. I thought again, I was fine.

I stayed for about a week with my family and then demanded that they take me to my home in Brampton. I stayed one night at my home then the following day my future mother-in-law took me to the hospital where we sat in emerg all day. Finally we saw a doctor and they had me sign a form stating that I could not leave the hospital until the doctors deemed me okay. Had I known what I was signing I likely would not have. *sigh*

I was taken to 'lock-down' and stayed there for about a week. Then I was transferred to GP, general population, of the psyciatric ward where I had more privileges than lock-down. I still did not understand why I was there. I stayed there for about 2 weeks then finally was discharged and able to go home.

I was still very sick but was on medication. I then became paranoid, thinking people were going to kill me due to the fact that I was a celebrity. And other strange thoughts.

But anyhow, I continued to see my psychiatrist and take my meds and eventually the psychosis ended but I was left entirely depressed. Then after continuing treatment, I started to feel better.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and had
suffered a severe manic episode.

I have not had an episode since (and hope to god that I don't), but have struggled with my moods daily. Lately I have been getting little sleep and feeling down and scared. I always get anxious around Christmas now due to the fact that that was when the manic episode started.

But anyhow, enough about me... I look forward to meeting you all and hopefully we can help each other understand this.

*Big Hugs*
Amanda