I had one and a half better weeks where the suicidal thoughts and the urges to cut were actually not quite as bad. I could handle them, the nightmares were not nightly, I was getting at least 5 hours sleep at night, things were better. Then the cycle starts all over again, the nightmares, no sleeping or sleeping all day, wake up every morning feeling suicidal, not caring whether I live or die, tired of everything, nothing ever really getting better, it's like my mind just tricks me into thinking it gets better for a little while, but it's not true. Been out of work since March, can't find a job, living on nothing, trying to survive but not sure why, the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of my 10 yr old son, but don't know if I'm even worth it or good for him. What's the point of all this. BP, BPD, PTSD, Self harm, too much to handle,, too much to treat, too many meds to deal with, too tired to care.
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