Whenever I feel the guilt tearing me down I read Psalm 51. I don't know if it will help with you or not; Please remember that time does heal or at least puts a little anesthesia on the wounds. Sending you a hug....

I have had the same problem with the guilt and depression cycle. If fact I am still dealing with the guilt of not seeking the help I needed along time ago along with all the hurt I caused along the way. I have turned to the Bible and God to help me with forgivness this is helping me deal with those guilty feelings. I don't want to preach but I have found comfort in God that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. Jesus died on the cross to forgive us of our sins, once you truley ask Jesus into your heart and for forgivness of your sins, those sins are washed clean with the blood he shed for us. Hope this helps and hit me up with any questions you may have.

Ron

I don't know if you are receptive to Christian advice, it appears it's all you have been given and it does work. I will tell you I know what you are going through as we are friends and you have been forgiven by God and by who you hurt. You just need to forgive yourself. It's hard to do that when you are in the throes of depression because guilt is associated with everything. I know. I've been there and it is horrific. God says he casts your sin as far as the east is from the west and how far is that you ask.......from ones scarred hand to the other! Forgive yourself. It's the only way to freedom. You are bound to this. Shame is Satan's stamp. You are feeling shame not guilt. There's a difference. Guilt has passed you, but shame has you in knots. Let it go girl, let it go.

I am a Christian, and I know God's Word tells me I am forgiven and accepted by Him. It's just hard when the circumstances tell me otherwise. I know I need to trust what I cannot see instead of what I can.

Hi, Lurioosi!!!
No, the mania is no excuse for what you did, but it IS the reason.
Keep that factor in mind when you look back upon what you did.
Do not judge yourself as though the acts were something that the real, core you, acting with your sense of character, would choose to do.
When I look back on choices I made, when Bipolar was holding the 'real' me hostage, I feel a certain sense of regret and also a bit of sadness for myself, for the things I did were nothing that I would normally choose to do, the operative word being 'normally'. And I have to live with some serious, long term ramifications and consequences of my actions, so I do realize that it is practically inevitable that reminders will pop up from time to time, or even stay ever constant.
Try to keep in mind that the fact that you have negative feelings when you are reminded of those things is proof that you are NOT like that and try to tap into a sense of gratefullness, even. For it is your recognizing the fact that those were bad choices that will help make it easier for you to avoid repeating them in the future!!
Good luck!!! I hope you are able to reframe your thinking about this. Going into the downward spiral is, in a way, a continuation of those acts, in the sense that it is still deeply affecting you. Let it die, let it go, as best you can. Focusing on it keeps you from moving forward.
Take care!!!!