It sounds like your mother may be "toxic". If she isent lifting you up with her love, you dont need her.Ive learned that we cant pick our relatives and sometimes the ones that are closest to us can hurt us the most.Be good to yourself and tell your mom to leave you alone untill she can respect you and treat you better :)

Your dealing with income problums which is a major issue right there and its being compounded with lack of emotional support some how youve got to lighten the emotional load your carrying .I see where krystindiane is coming from tell your mother your dealing with enough allready and you dont need critizisum you need emotional support and if shes gonna keep putin you down tell her you have no choice then but to avoid her but try to talk first.

it's normal, but not right. Cut yourself some slack. I know what you mean in ssssooooo much of what you wrote. You deserve better, just for surviving and TRYING. Effort counts.

Yeah. That's how I feel too. The things I did while manic are going to haunt me for a long time. I have huge guilt trip about my past. I have been screwed over so many times. But I feel like I had it comin' because of all the shitty stuff I did while crazy.

I know just what you mean.. i am in the same spot as u are also in with my mother. My mom is just as bad right to the point where she wanted to pick the guy i am supps to spend the rest of my lift with.. I had to put a stop to it i really did because everything i did i didnt do it right because it wasnt her way. I mean a person can only take so much of it before they blow up.. So before u blow up try to talk to ur mom and tell her how u feel and u need her to be ur mom and not the boss of ur life.
I just went through a manic and i know this is going to get me later on in life too... becuase not did i only leave my family and i am not talking to any of them anymore but i took a lot of money.. but i didnt care i wasnt thinking... that wasnt me the other night when i took off the way i did... but right now i feel bad for how i did it but not what i did. I wish there would have been another way to do it but i wasnt thinking and i know they wouldnt have undertstood anyways.. but i am happy now i am with my husband not with the guy my mom wanted me to be with.. i have to live with the person so why not be me who gets to pick who i wanna be with..
Just talk to you mom and try to work something out before u do something crazy like i did... like i said i just feel bad for how i did it now what i did.. just take care of urself and ur kids. best of luck

Wow! You're mom sounds like one big nut to crack! If she took the time to understand BP, her attitude would change!
Don't blame yourself. God only knows we ALL carry alot of guilt around with us... and we certainly aren't short of EXCESS BAGGAGE! I think you need to sit down with your mom and discuss a few issues. Enlighten her on your condition. Don't keep taking the abuse... you don't deserve it. You've been through enough.
Take care.
KnightHawk

I let all the bad stuff go back in 1991. I was born again by being baptized.

Now I am only speaking from my point of view and still have some really bad issues but have found solice in this.

Once you repent and put things into the hands of a higher power, you will find that the positive thoughts bring you peace of mind and good things do happen.

I try to stay away from my mother and those who try to bring me down. Gets lonely sometimes. I try to treat myself with the respect that I deserve and don't depend on anyone to give me respect back because that sometimes is asking too much of someonelse because they are in their own world, not mine.

#!) Find counselling. And don't tell me you can't afford it, because there are MANY places that will give you a sliding scale fee. With 3 kids and only your income you are likely to get it for free. Start by calling the local Mental Health Clinics and Hospitals.

#2) Cut your mom off for a while. If you use her for child care, don't stick around to talk when your pick up/drop off. If she calls, say "I have to go mom, love you." and get off the phone. These are called boundaries, and they are invaluable.

#3) In your heart you know you don't deserve the abuse you suffer. Stop making excuses and do the work required to get better. Being healthy is never easy, it takes hard work and dedication. But the pay outs are tremendous, if you can just weather the storm.

Try reading a book called "Toxic Parents". it can give u perspective and tools to deal with your situation..At 39 yrs of age you do not deserve that treatment..under any circumstances,,as for your friends finding you..please be thankful that they did,,You are not a bad person, you are a person who was in trouble who needed help..Quit bashing your self. Because you and ur kids deserve better. Be well--Gina

Your mom sounds kind of like mine...manipulative to the end...I finally told her 1 day, that if she didn't quit critisizing me or threatening to to cut me out her life. (she did that in order to get me to do what she wanted.) I told her I was going to go to my grave with out ever speaking to her again..Sounds harsh, But I did get my point across for once and for all and she actually respected me for it. She still has her ways...but she knows I wont put up with it..--Gina

accept yourself and the opinions of others are there own self judgments.......

could not have said it better myself, reachin..