I just realized that I am grieving, I am grieving the loss of myself , the person I once was the perosont hat I lost somewhere along the way, they person that I let others control and slip out of my ouwn hands, the coltorl that I lost to be able to handle life and all that it has given me. I grieve for the loss of my marriage, although I was not alway satisfied I had a beset friend someone who loved me who stood by me who cared for me and my well being, the loss of stability to know that at the end of the day eerything will be alright, the loss that my life will not be the same and the fear that I must take a new journey that I am not ready yet tot take not by myself ,not now, the loss of the fun time sand the quirkes of our soup and boneless wing times, the dealth of the being. I grieve the loss of my family how all that are close have left this planet to go further on their journey all so close with their own mission but left me here the grieve them, the loss of my mom as my family as she has choosen another to move on with and left me to grieve alone, no one to share no one to hug., I grieve the loss of touch as I feel like a tree never being touched by another unless a branch ruffles in the wind, I grieve the loss of friends as what little I had they are gone. I grieve alone, saddened, dismay, lonliey, I grieve to leavev a place I no longer love but have to thrive to stay aflaot meeting everyone elses expectations of me, their judgements , their cunningness, their arrogance to me like I am nothing but a burdon that they muts recon with daily until I leave or die. They want me to leave, I want to leave but I love my house, I want to go suffer like I feel they want me to go suffer, to feel the pain everyday both physically and emotionally is no longer enough for me I need it to be worse, like they want.
Posts You May Be Interested In
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...