Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Let me first put in a preface to this thread:
I know there are many here that have the opinion that people with BP should not have kids for the very reasons I am going to open a discussion about. I RESPECT YOUR opinion but I would like to have a discusion that doesnt end in debate over whether to have kids or not. For what ever reason planned or unplanned many of us have kids and need to have discussions like the one I am going to post with out the worry or fear of being labled irrisponcible or a bad parent because we have thoughts and concerns about raising our kids. So with that in mind, while I respect your opinion if you cant reply in a manner in which this discussion is intended please dont reply.... Positive and negative veiws welcome but no parent bashing or preaching about not having kids in this tread.... Please
Ok... now that said... Many people say my daughter is just like me. I wonder/worry that either my behaviors are rubbing off on her some good some bad or that she has underlying bp traits that in time will come to the ssurface. She is only 3 and I know that kids often act like thier parents, but some she does just out of the blue... traits I USED to have and dont now. She has a very stong family line of bp to include me my brother my father and his siblings as well as my fathers mother... on her dads side his mother is Bp while my husband is not. My son has other mental disorders to include ADHD and Conduct disorder and is being evaluated for high functioning Autistic Spectrum disorders.
At what point do you start looking at kids to determine the BP factor in thier behavior? Its not that I want to lable my kid but if I can steer her clear of some of the pitfalls of the disorder by teaching her coping skills now when she is most receptive to learning skills and behaviors, then might she grow up to be less affected by BP even if she has the bp disorder? In other words... if we can identify the bp traits early and sculpt thier behavior and coping skills can we help them avoid the devistating affects of BP as a teen and adult?
I know there are many here that have the opinion that people with BP should not have kids for the very reasons I am going to open a discussion about. I RESPECT YOUR opinion but I would like to have a discusion that doesnt end in debate over whether to have kids or not. For what ever reason planned or unplanned many of us have kids and need to have discussions like the one I am going to post with out the worry or fear of being labled irrisponcible or a bad parent because we have thoughts and concerns about raising our kids. So with that in mind, while I respect your opinion if you cant reply in a manner in which this discussion is intended please dont reply.... Positive and negative veiws welcome but no parent bashing or preaching about not having kids in this tread.... Please
Ok... now that said... Many people say my daughter is just like me. I wonder/worry that either my behaviors are rubbing off on her some good some bad or that she has underlying bp traits that in time will come to the ssurface. She is only 3 and I know that kids often act like thier parents, but some she does just out of the blue... traits I USED to have and dont now. She has a very stong family line of bp to include me my brother my father and his siblings as well as my fathers mother... on her dads side his mother is Bp while my husband is not. My son has other mental disorders to include ADHD and Conduct disorder and is being evaluated for high functioning Autistic Spectrum disorders.
At what point do you start looking at kids to determine the BP factor in thier behavior? Its not that I want to lable my kid but if I can steer her clear of some of the pitfalls of the disorder by teaching her coping skills now when she is most receptive to learning skills and behaviors, then might she grow up to be less affected by BP even if she has the bp disorder? In other words... if we can identify the bp traits early and sculpt thier behavior and coping skills can we help them avoid the devistating affects of BP as a teen and adult?
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I see my daughter in very down moods then in very wild happy moods and then she snapps with the most irritable replies to things that 'get on her nerves' who would have thought a 3 year old has nerves.... I mean you tap on a chair and she gets really really frustrated and insists you stop. I know kids go to the extreams... but her lows arent like tantrums.... she gets just very sad for what seems to be no reason.
She even will role play with her dolls that they are sad and need comfort. The good thing is she is very vocal about her feelings and we encourage it and we embrace them all... I just wonder at what point do we look at it and say ok... the traits are there lets use psycology to our advantage to help avoid the extreams in the future if we can. Im not looking to medicate my kid I see that as a last resort even with my son. But I do believe in educating kids on how to appropriately handle thier feelings. I also know that teaching a kid with out BP is different then teaching a kid with BP because of the stuff I have been throught with my son.
It was also at about age 3-3and a half that I had to take my son to the psycologist for the first time but he was self harming and very violent.
Would you have changed how you taught them if you knew that they had the chance for mental health issues later in life?
Mary, would it have helped you if your mom would have picked up on things at a much younger age? I look back and see small signs of my mental illnesses when I was a child but no one taught me how to deal with the emotions. They left it as kids are kids. But if this is genitic and we are born BP then doesnt it go to think that maybe we should be teaching as young as we can? Am I off base here in this thought?
Seems to me BP disorder is also a yardstick for creativity.
I want to treat my daughter like a normal kid, but if her moods arent normal and she doesnt learn in the 'typical' ways then when do you pick up on that and change things for them?
That said most of us adults who started ADHD and later Dx'ed w/ BP have the same chances with thier kids.
That said I am 33 w/ 3 kids one had ADHD at home only at school he is a perfect angel.
My oldest son has ADD and my daughter just has learning disabilities all my kids were premature. None of them have BP traits!!!
My husband does not have BP. He has ADD and that is it. The most stable reliable guy I have ever met.
According to the doctors I have talked with BP is as much enviromental as hereditary in that if the child is in a stable positive enviroment the likely hood of the disease is the same as the general population.
There is no true scientific data saying that it is genetic.
If my father and mother had provided me the same stability I am my kids with the same love and help and in a non judgemental way I think I may have been spared some of the illnesses. I would not have been left w/ baby sitters who physically abused me I would not have been raped by one of my mothers orgy type flings and I probably would not have been raped by my uncle who Never mind... Just know alot of the bad stuff would not have happened so I would not have developed PTSD at age 10. I can also safely say that if my mother had divorced my dad and we stayed with my grandmother I know I would of been better off. Then when I did get to stay with my grandma if she did not let my father control her and make me come back home I would of even gotten the help I needed at an earlier age. Instead she sided with my dad.
I am a survivor I know the mistakes my parents have made and I REFUSE TO REPEAT THE PATTERN OF ABUSE.
That is all I can do if it is genetic then I did what I could. i don't leave my kids with sitters AT ALL!!!!
my husband and I go on lunch dates while the kids are in school. If we go ANYWHERE the kids come with us that included Bermuda and we all had a great time as a family!!!
My kids are kind loving caring and worry when other kids are sad. They often bring those kids here to play and they know while there friends are here they really get to be just kids.
When I am depressed I may not cook all the food from scratch but the kids know I will snuggle them and they can watch a movie in my room and I will hold their hands even if I need to sleep I will with their hands in mine.
I am an over protective parent I don't know what that will yield. I do let the kids go over friends houses with my cell phone and I remind them about guns and any kind of sex and tell them that no matter what happens I will love them. I hate reminding my daughter and my son mind your P
s and Q's. But I will. My youngest is too little still to be left alone and most of the parents I associate with also stay with the kids for play dates!!!
I hope this helped in a small way. I do the best I can I try not to yell at all once in a great while my 12 yo girl makes it so I have no choice but when I do she knows she went too far.
BTW anyone know what I should do about my 13 y/o son who hates school and home work!!
My husband is a music genius and the father of both kids. So...we get to sit back and enjoy our kids creativity.
It's pretty fantastic!
just my .02
I think parents should always keep an educated eye out at all times. Not to be paranoid, but if you know your kid is more geneticially presidposed, then I would watch them carefully.
As far as having kids, I don't think I am at that point in my life yet where I want to have any. Although when and if I choose to I am going to seek genetic counseling. I would never want to put my child through what I have dealt with. And I also have a fear of how ever could i be a good Mom with constant mania?
I know BP is nto 100% genetic but there have been studies that link several genes to the chemical embalances in our brain that lead to BP.
I guess where Im trying to go with this post is this...
Ok so we have been genetically challenged with BP. Like not2sure brings to point our enviroment is a great influance on what we do with the genetic material we are given. If you are genetically disposed to heart disease yet your family with full knowledge of your genes alters thier home and habits and encourage the proper diet and the right physical activity you dont have to suffer the ill affects of it.
BP is similar... but there is the up side of the BP genetics. I am wondering if maybe there have been to many changes in the way people veiw raising kids and so they arent fostered at the very young age and taught the positive skills so that the pluses of BP come out and the bad parts of BP manifest. I know we cant control the embalance and Im not impling that... but I am wondering if we are to raise our kids in a way that fosters thier BP so that they learn healthy ways to live with BP at an extreamly young age if maybe they wont grow up to need to take all the meds we do.
I mean if you were taught how to manage your mood swings at the young age of 3 or 4 or 5 and not opened up to the harmful enviromental problems do you think you might have had a different adult life out come?
I know I have worked very hard with my son to overcome his emotional problems and even gone as far as teaching him basic skills we should learn on our own like friendship, and now he has been unmedicated for nearly 2 years and no serious violent things have happened.
With my daughter the signs are so much more quiet.
What really is a good enviroment for raising a health child mentally? I encourage the validation of emotions but my 3 year old has taken it to the extream and thinks her emotion should dictate the out come of a situation, in turn making her OVERLY arguementative. I dont want to over do it but at the same time I want to help her avoid as many downfalls as I can... its so hard to find that right balance all while learning to find balance with in my self