Found these in my "travels" some are funny some not.. So take what ya like and leave some if ya want!! Good Day! I am off to see the "BEE"!

Borrow money from pessimists. They dont expect it back.
Steven Wright

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Mickey Mantle

Never play cat and mouse games if youre a mouse.
Don Addis

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the
dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers

Always be sincere, even if you dont mean it.
Harry S. Truman

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
Kin Hubbard

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself.
JC

A Boss: Someone who's early when you're late and
late when you're early.
Unknown

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
(Unknown)

Give me a smart idiot before a stupid genius any day.
Samuel Goldwyn

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
Alfred E. Newman

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett