do u all find it hard to make and keep friends in real life?? I used to make friends so fast but then when they get to know me they left it took a long time to open up again and when I do I tend to distance myself from them because I am scared they will see what hard wrk I am...so I space out my time so they really cant get sick of me ..well my land lady /friend is, I warned her before I moved in I am alot of work I was honest about it I told her it wasnt a matter of :if: she would get sick of me but :when" guess what its when even though she said she understood and could handle me well she cant and now she is saying really awful things about me to me stuff I had warned her about!! i was supposed to feed her dog this weekend I assumed breaking my ankle would imply there was no way I could lift heavy food or water bowls and the fact i couldnt walk would hint that they shouldnt count on me well sat he didnt eat her son living there didnt notice my car had been gone since fri I mean they all knew I was staying at joes but now she says I am just full of excuses and self fish etc......ya well I am and I told her I am not always on the ball I told her sorry but she hung up on me over and over when not yelling at me..I had 2nd major panic attack in 2nd day and this time I was at my pd and he didnt do anything except up my visatol to 6 or 7 pills and ask me if I was gonna hurt myself when I said yes he said he wouldnt see me again till I started seeing my therapist......it took me 45 min to make a 20 min drive because I had to keep pulling over I couldnt breath finally the pills kicked in and I was ok my hubbie kept calling every 5 min to check on me...why did I let my gaurd down>>?? what if they throw me out now that she is mad? will I ever be able to get close to friends?? do I chance telling my friend who lives across the street I want to be closer but am afraid of loosing her thats why I cancel and dont invite her over?? or do I keep away and just enjoy the few times I see her .....besides warning and trying my best to be a good friend what can I do I am spacey and ya spoiled (haahaa with all the crap in my life lol) I am depressed and moody and whatever else but dont ur friends have an obligation to stick through the hard times if u have warned them and they said they would?? I never leave a friend they leave me..it sucks!! I so want good close friends but how?? chantal
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