Maybe it's because I wasn't on my meds as prescribed for a couple of days. Maybe it's the way this month has started off...horribly. Whatever it is, I feel as thought I'm falling into a depressive state yet again. Usually, it's mania, then depression. This time, however, I haven't experienced the mania first.

I've been stable since leaving the hospital at the end of August. I went into the hospital a habitual self injurer whose self injury had gotten a bit too severe. I went in after being manic about three days, then taking an overdose of Ambien. I was up, down, up, and down...happy, sad, angry, sad, etc. It was a roller coaster ride without the fun and excitement.

Anyway, I was put on a pretty good combination of medication while there...the most helpful combo I've been on so far. Now, however, I have this feeling of sadness setting in, and even thoughts of cutting. I keep thinking I should go out and buy a new pack of double edged razors. I honestly thought I might continue to be okay for once, but now, it appears as though I'm beginning to spiral down. Does this mean the medication is no longer working? Even when the right med combo is found, do we normally still have episodes of mania and depression at times? Besides Bipolar I, I battle BPD, PTSD, OCD, and Panic Disorder. Perhaps this isn't my Bipolar acting up, then, which explains why my usual episode of mania didn't first take place? I dunno. UGGHHH!!!!!!

I see my psych nurse in the morning, and hopefully, my therapist(LCSW). I plan to talk to them about a few things. Actually, I need to make a note of these things before I forget. Going to do that now.