It's 5:10am california time and I still haven't gone to sleep yet. My body is tired but my thoughts are racing and my brain just won't stop. I had this peaceful feeling come over me and I'm laying here in bed in the dark and I can see myself in the garage hanging myself in the rafters. I'm trying to fight these feelings, I wanna do it. I don't know what's stopping me. I know my kid will be taken care of, I guess I just don't want my mom to find me. That would ruin her. I feel this pulling in my chest like my soul is trying to get myself up so I'll go do it. I feel like I need to, like everything will be for the better. I'm sitting here considering it, what if I did? I feel so at peace, I don't have a rope but I guess I could find something else. I don't know, I guess I'll just keep trying to fight it and maybe try to get some sleep. My daughter is asleep resting her head next to my left arm I can feel her breathing. I can't really explain this peace that has come over me, it's like there is no reason for me not to do it and if I did everything would be amazingly perfect. Everything would be great, I feel like I'm floating in the clouds. It would all be over, everything would be at peace.
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