Im sorry for writing this I just need to get it out of my system. I dont feel well. Mentally Im a wreck. I have awful thoughts about suicide. I dont want to live anymore. I know it's a selfish thought, Im just so sick and tired of everything. Im so dissapointed in life and I feel so desperate because there is nothing I can do to change it. Im so frustrated. And its not just that. Its so many things combined. I feel so lonely. Ive had this sadness in my heart for months and years but this last week it has escalated. My lupus is just getting worse for every day. Im in so much physical pain and it leads to severe anxiety. Everyone would be doing so much better without me. Im worthless. Im not providing anything to anyone. Just trouble. I dont want to live anymore. I feel like Im finished with life. Its just enough. I dont want to be alone anymore.
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