i haven't been on in a while. i've been doing really well, but i'm having an issue at work that is frightening me. i wk w/ someone who has been a friend for 14+ yrs, and this person has some issues of their own, but because our job is very stressful we both tend to take turns falling apart. the thing is, this person is telling me that i am doing and saying things that i really don't think i am - saying i sd. something one way when i feel i sd it another, etc. saying i'm negative and whining- i swear i think i'm only talking about the job information, etc, which is really in a bad way. when i'm feeling really good, w/ that special feeling that all is right and the world is full of possibilites, this person is saying i'm just the opposite. sometimes i just stop and stare because i think-thats not what i said at all- where did that come from? to be fair to myself, which i rarely am, this person has some major untreated issues. my meds are the best they've ever been, i have a new love in my life (a horse)my marriage is good, its just that our company is in dire straights, and its stressful. what is scaring the crap out of me: what if i'm dead wrong and i'm really whacking out and don't know it? i've been a little racy lately because i feel panic @ the situation, when i tell my husband about the day, i get agitated and start talking fast and switching subjects quickly. he says he thinks i'm doing ok - he thinks its the job, but he loves me and i fear he might not tell me the truth because he doesn't want to hurt me. what if i've totally lost it and don't know? the job feels like the old gaslight situation - i see it totally different. i'm afraid i don't know whats right. everything else seems to be ok-paying bills, taking care of the house/kids/animals, etc., nothing else seems whacky but this and i don't know what to believe. sorry to take up so much space when i haven't been contributing to this site-just barging in and saying, "hey look @ me" i don't mean that, i just wanted to come back. its not right to want advice when i haven't been support to anyone here for months. just writing it down makes me feel more connected. thx.
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