Have you ever felt like there was something dying inside of you,like in your heart or soul.Iv'e had this strange feeling since I was very small.It's rather unnerving,I just feel like a part of me is dead.It's like a silent scream is trying to ecscape my lips and is getting ever louder in my head.Maybe it's self destruction,I don't know.I have faced death over 8 times in my life,mostly when I was very little in hospital.It's weird I feel like death is calling me,medically i shouldn't have surrived at all.I was born premature and my lungs had not formed properly,I was basiclly drowning in mucus.So I shoun't be alive but here I am and something is missing.I feel like I have been slowly dieing all along,even as a child i knew something wasn't right.I can't really explain it but im not scared of death.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??