What are your episodes like? Mine are really off-the-wall, not sure if anyone else has them like this, curious to know how other's are. When I get an episode, first I panic. Every frightful thought that could come into my head does. Like that my boyfriend will get tired of me and leave the relationship. Something small sets them off now. I panic out of my mind and then start asking all these questions like "Are you going to give up on me?" "Your daughter doesn't like me and that is why you won't marry me, isn't it?" "You are dissapointed in me because I lost my job and my new business working for myself isn't paying the bills right now!" "You think I am a failure!!" Then the screaming starts, and the "oh no, not again!"s, and the "I want to die, nobody loves me, I am just a burden to everyone", "Why don't you at least TRY to help me, just a little show of affection will help! You don't care enough! I want to die!!!" so on and so forth... There is total panic, I mean heavy shit. I end up on the floor crying and screaming. My whole body shakes. I feel this deep, deep fear, then this black emptiness. I'll be exhausted in bed the whole next day, in this painful depression. When I come out of it, I realize that all my silly talk was just that, silly talk, and that none of it is true. Then I feel like an ass, and a little afraid my boyfriend won't forgive me... a cycle that if I am not careful will cause another episode. Does anyone else have episodes like this or am I just a freak?
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