Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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deleted_user 10/22/2007

Since ive been dx bipolar and started on meds i seem to be craving alcohol.Also i took coke on Friday night(cant believe i just told you all that).Im bloody mortified about it.Something i used to do now and then a few years ago.It was my boyfriend that mentioned it and i just thought "fuck it".Its now Monday afternoon and i feel shit about it and ive swore never to do again(the drugs anyway).I should be concentrating on gettin better and taking care of myself but i seem to have hit a self destruct button.Ive been having a glass of wine every night but im not doing it tonight,from today onwards im having it on a Saturday night only.Had a talk with B(my boyfriend and hes with me on it.If he hadnt mentioned the other stuff i wouldnt have took it,know im a big girl and all that but i just have a stupid streak running right through me that doesnt give a shit.Hope you all dont think less of me because of this but i just had to get it off my chest x

deleted_user 10/22/2007

I self medicated for years. Was diagnosed as an alcoholic at sixteen.Was addicted to cocaine and ketamine for two years.

Don't touch alcohol or drugs now. My life is fucked up enough, no need to make it worse for myself.

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Just a thought...Could the new meds have induced a manic or hypomanic episode with you? As you probably know, when you are manic you sometimes feel kinda well...great for lack of a better word. One of the symptoms of that is doing extremely dangerous or irresponsible things without worrying about the consequences. If this continues, talk to the doc again.

deleted_user 10/22/2007

I used to drink heavily every weekend from the age of 13 up untill 27.Took speed every weekend for 2 years and i swear its partly to blame for my problems now.Got into a bad relationship after i split with my ex husband,the guy was a coke dealer and i started taking it 4x a week.That was 3 years ago now.Since then ive took coke 5 times and upuntill 3 months ago hardly drank.Then started to have wine every night as it helps me sleep.I want to stop it totaly and have made a pact with myself only to have a small drink on a Saturday now.I feel so bad x

deleted_user 10/22/2007

BarbRN,i think you could be right.Felt on top of the world on Friday,all day and didnt give a shit

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Don't feel bad. Everybody relapses. It's just part of life.

Shelly4 10/22/2007

WOW !!!! I am so proud of you for recognizing your behavior is self medicating and destructing. That is a very important observance in your treatment. But, please document what you have said and share it with your pdoc. Yes, he may give you grief over it but that is what you pay him/her for. Your wellness has to be the most important thing in your life because it will affect everything you do. The biggest step is recognizing our weaknesses in our disorder and moving forward to learn and heal from our mistakes. You Go Girl !!!!!!
Hugs for your journey, Shelly

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Talking and getting if off of your chest is a great thing to do. Relapses do happen . Can you get in to see your p--doc and do you see a therapist? They may also be able to help. I understand because I went through years of self medicating with cocaine and alcohol . Getting away from your triggers like people who use..etc are a big help.
I'm here if u want to talk.
Getting clean and sober was the best thing I ever did.

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Don't feel too bad.We mustn't feel too much self-hate over the " Aaah.Fuck it ! " times.
We have to learn ourselves.
Coke is all the rage.A shame cos it's a sad drug.
Makes people feel invincible but the pained truth is beneath the sheen.
xx

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Thanks to you all for replying to my post.Was so mortified after i posted it i went off line. Just came back on and was half expecting a barage of abuse for being so stupid! Ive got fantastic support on here and i really appreciate it so much.I know i need to make changes in my life and i know i have good friends to help me do that.Thanks again xxx

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Honey, my self-destruct button is on right now too and has been for a while. I've done a lot of coke and plenty of of other drugs in the past few weeks. I've been trying to become numb. And I've said every early morning as the high wears off that I'm never doing it again. The only thing is I am doing behind everyone's back. NO help for me, but you have your boyfriend. I am sure you will be okay.

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Got any E's ?

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Trust you Pluck! Used to do them aswell,loved them but the come down was bloody awfull! xx

deleted_user 10/22/2007

My avatar looks Luvd Up

deleted_user 10/22/2007

Think its took an E xx

deleted_user 10/22/2007

it looks like it's playing with itself.GREAT.

Nah, I enjoyed drugs and booze.
I loved it.

I just know I'm not able to shrink back to my old head.
What was "Out There" in those days is just part of the landscape now.
I wanna keep it like that .
Hope you see I am not judging you.

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