You will hear these words in this forum a lot, but let me say that, fortunately, there is a method of treatment out there for you. It is a huge game of trial and error, it is true, but when the fix is found and the tweaking is done, life becomes so much more bearable--tolerable, even.

These words are no comfort--I have been where you are right now, just had to say them.

You are in my prayers--may the light of the Creeator shine on you and comfort you in loving arms until you are calm and at peace.

Nana

Dear Determinator: When none of the medicines worked for me I ended up having ECT. It saved my life and I had minimal memory loss, however I have heard of people who have more memory loss. But for me it was the memory loss versus suicide so I opted for the ECT Message me if you want anymore details and don't give in to your suicidal ideation. It would devestate the people you would leave behind for the rest of their lives.

I'm so sorry you've had no luck with treatment. Maybe ECT is the answer. When all else fails, I know I would try it. If there's a chance it could make life easier to cope with, it's a chance I'd take.

But that is for you to decide. No matter what you do or decide, I really hope and pray things look up for you! You deserve some relief.

It does seem like a horrific existance living with BP. But, as Nana said = there is a treatment out there that will make your life more bearable. It's been 5 years of the medication roulette for me and they still haven't found something that makes me feel 'normal'. I'm trying some alternative things like taking a Tai Chi class, going to DBSA meetings, new areas to explore in therapy, forcing myself out of the house to visit friends. Maybe you need to find alternatives to the drugs for awhile. Nothing makes up for the drugs, but certain things can make you feel better. Maybe volunteering - helping others. Get some DS friends and help THEM. There's always someone in need on DS.
Don't choose death. You will never know if you could have saved someone else or found the 'magic bullet' of drugs to make you feel better.
peace, teresa

I think we all have been where you're at. Then some how we get a few good days. Demand that your pdoc evaluate your situation. I've been through so many trial and errors. I'm now on Lithium and an anti anxiety
drug. I seem to be coming around. I actually want to live again. Please hang in there I'm sure you havn't tried everthing yet. Maybe you need a new pdoc. Start taking control of your own health.

Thanks for the replies. I would not have ECT because I have a friend who has had it and it affected his memory really bad. I don't want to live a tolerable life. I want a happy life.

Like I said, go get it D. Take control as of now:)

The only time I am happy is when I am manic. I usually get locked up then. I notice that when I am happy other people don't see it as happy they see it as manic. When I'm sad people think I am okay. It is really weird.

I don't like being different/abnormal.

If you keep telling yourself you're abnormal you will be. Change the tape in your head and just live your life.

I would love to change the tape in my head but I don't know how to. Please tell me how to do this.

You said you want a happy life...you want to live...give yourself the chance to seek it. I always try to tell myself that with my luck the best is around the corner and I'd be just missing it. I would...I'm that blind. Give yourself that chance.

you are not alone in feeling this way. i know i am sick of living like this. and i am tired of trying meds that just dont work, but like everyone says it is trial and error and you just need to hang in there. i know it sucks but it would suck even more if you gave in......

Have you changed pdocs and therapists? you name is determinator so you ust be determind dome wheeree in your person. We like you!

I am determined to end this misery.

OMG you are only 26!!! You have your whole life ahead of you!! Maybe it just seems bad now, but I promise...it will get better. Give it a chance, you obviously haven't done that yet.