hmmm, well this topic flew.

i view my self as bi polar when it is all i feel. when i'm better i see me.

Lou...as usual, excellent question... I USED to define myself as BP. And to an extent, over all these years, I guess the Two of Us, the BP Me and the Not BP Me, have assimilated into an uneasy truce. Because, without the BP, my experiences, honestly, they would be so limited. I would not, for example, ever have stood on the edge of outer space, or seen an angel, or known what hell feels like, or been absolutely, totally incapacitated, or flew; but without Me there, there would have been no Tempering it, no sense made of it, no reason to the suffering, no conscience. The literary beauty and fierce grace I can make of it now could not have been, because That Crazy Girl runs on pure emotion, and the Saner one runs on reason.

So We're Both Together Now, I think.

Did that make any sense?

I embarce my bipolar Disorder as far as it defining me, it makes me me. We all have different sides to us, ours is just more obvious, we can not keep it hidden. There are some huge down dies. But I love who I am.

I'm still in the phase of grateful to understand why I am the way I am. (also assuming that this is a phase)

So I guess that mean I am defining myself mainly in terms of BP.

I'm letting it define me too much.

I recognise behaviors of bipolar ,in my life going back as far as 4 or 5.Well,maybe younger...my mom tells a story of me at 18 months(I was walking and talking in full sentences at 18 mo,and reading by 28 mo)....anyway,she got up one morning early ,and found me standing on the stove,making pancakes and eggs for everyones breakfast.Grandious idention,genius?
Or just a spunky kid?
So Am I bipolar ,or is bipolar me?
Do I separate the illness from my self?
NO.
I am bipolar,shaman of my GrGr mothers people.Blessed and cursed with a vision of the world,that is out side of the "norm".
This has taken me to the heights of Heavan it's self...and to the pits of hell.
I am a whole and complete(if slightly skewed)person...as a bipolar.

person with different attributes who happens to have bipolar......won't let it get me down.. :)

Hey Lou :), I used to only see my illness @ what I WAS, but now that I am a bit older and am doing things the way I see fit my bp is something that occasionally flairs, but its nothing like how it used to be. Good question tho, made me step back a sec and see what I really do :)TY

I am wonderfully proud BP..I try to use my condition, turning it to a positive,if I can, but hell does it get in the way sometimes! I still try to maintain the smiley outer shell, I know this in turn relects on me & i absorb the re-actions of others..If I am negative, then I wont get positive vibes back..another circle! somedays/hours it is all consuming..I wore black for the first 36 yrs of my life, this last summer,as a drag-me-up tonic,I bought two bright colourful swirly tops, I am uncomfortable not in black. I was wearing one when I received a desperate call from my best mate,hysterical-she had been committed after 3 attempts at suicide. Obviously dropped everything to go see her-she was in a really,really bad way. paranoid delusions..she just kept coming to every now n again to say-help me,im going mad-she sent me away,frightened that I would get hurt being near her..when I left,she kinda came to n said-I love your top, its so pretty and bright,its like the sunshine,before she disappeared again..I realised then that keeping up appearances do matter..I want to save the world..whats the point in wallowing in your own self pity?Argh?!On a good day-Its not an illness, its just a condition that sometimes has to be taken into account...this is a slightly better take on it than this mornings!!

Because the onset of my illness was relatively late, 32,I tend to separate the before- and after-BP parts of my life, and have a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with, who I was before.

It was looking like I was supposed to get my Phd and have a successful career in Education research. Then this happened, and I actually believed I'd be homeless, during the truly rough years.

It's just hard for me to reconcile the 'normal' me, who still exists, and the BP me, at times. At other times, esp. around people who are tolerant of my illness, I feel much more integrated and almost proud of my BP experiences.

I guess most of the time, I view myself as a person who happens to be bipolar. Most of the time.... lol.

It depends, when I'm stable the fact that I'm bp rarely even enters my mind. I take my meds and forget about it. When I'm manic/depressed thoughts of my illness consume me.

since I was 45 when dx, I had 45 years to define myself as a writer, teacher, artist, traveller, etc. But after dx, it is hard to not see myself as BP/OCD/seizure GRRL. My therapist really helps. She sees me as a creative person who has a different kind of thinking. Right on!

I define myself, bipolar is a part but it is not me!

right now there is very little of me left. bp has taken almost all of me and wants the rest....