I dunno. I feel my dad and my relationship is deteriorating. Maybe he does not love me anymore. I feel bad. He is moody and dispondent when talking with me. Maybe I am being parinoid? He just seems unhappy with me. I feel bad. Maybe I am taking things to personal.
He does have issues too. He may need a knee replacement. He is in disomfort. He is worried about going to surgery for his knee. Also his sister is now 89 years old. She is having issues maybe? Dizzyiness falling. She does not want to be put in a old folks home.
I feel this deteriorting thing going on in my family. Mentally and physically. I feel bad. I am in a job that is stressful and I have to remain strong now I feel. Given the vibe from my dad recently, I feel that maybe I would feel better at work.
I hope our relationship is still valid and solid. I know he is getting older and he is grumpy at times. He was in the past downright mean to me. But I know that it was just his words not him that was mean.
I am trying my best though. I don't drink alcohol much, I only drink maybe on my weekends. I goto work, I am keeping this job. I am almost out of debt. I sold my camera. So that was a major chunk going to my debt. I feel I am an ok son. I have my moments too. I may be a little selfish at times. I am not sure. I the first to admit I am not perfect.
I worry about the future. About the future of our relationship. I worry about my mental well being (that I am strong enough) to weather this physically demanding job. I feel I have major tests to navigate in the future.
So long story short, DHS (Dept of Human Services, CPS here in my state) has gotten involved in my life. They are trying to say my bipolar disorder interferes with my ability to parent safely. I've lost my 4 kids to either my ex or state custody. My life has become a nightmare.And the worst part is since I got on lithium this summer, things have never been better for all of us. I have been so much...
tomorrow is Jewells' birthday - but did want to get a head start on her festivities - so throwing her card this evening to get this pawty started :O)please no green xoi cannot say enough how much or how grateful i am that there is you in this world, my brat to your gertie, biggest hugs XOXOXOXOXO HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEWELLS XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO