not really sure. I have never thought about it like that. I would probably feel the same. I am sure most rational people would say it is very harmful thinking but when you are depressed, it sounds pretty good.

I think we beepers are over imaginative. Of course you had a senario, in your head, that your family would have approved of. In real life, they would have you committed.

Glad you got put on a new med. I think thinking about death is normal for us. Maybe not suicide, but what would the world, or our friends and family, be like without us. We have these imaginations, I tend to think "what happened if I died in a car accident" or had a "flesh eating bacteria that puts me in ICU".

I think it's natural to be a bit morbid if you have BP.

i used to do something like that. in order to fall asleep at night, i would pretend that my wrists were slit, and the blood was draining from me. it was the only way i could relax. the thought of death is so soothing to me, but my responsibilities don't allow me to do that right now.

i try not to do that anymore, and rather i force myself focus on living rather than dyeing.

I used to get seemingly bottomless thoughts of suicide and awful GRAPHIC scenarios would grip me as if from out of nowhere.

It was the BP.It's a clever bastard.Evil beyond our imaginations.

Look at how evil the sane world can be.
Look at what is acceptable in the sane world.????

The insane world is therefore capable of throwing you goggle-eyed, into it's own sick and evil
landscape.

It all passed for me.It was awful but it passed.The theory behind it only comes afterward.When I try and make sense of it.In order for myself to move on.

yeah, I don't know why I'm so morbid lately. It's not like me. Reading about letting the blood drain from my wrists while laying in be to relax is actually exciting me, I can't wait to try it. It's got to be the new string of meds. I've been going through. I don't have a plan. I don't feel like I'm going to do anything, but I'm getting relief from morbid thoughts. I know this cannot be healthy. I see my psychologist tomorrow. If I talk like this to her she will flip ! I'm always so down-to-earth. I'm fairly new to this web site and have been reading a lot of different things, maybe its expanding my thoughts. My creative thinking has been stifled for so long. Fantasizing has been non-existant. Please, I own my thoughts, as morbid as they may be at this time, I'm not saying this site brought them on by any means. I think this site is allowing me to relax my structured lifestyle quite a bit, and it gives me plenty to think about, which is all good. Seeing where my thoughts are going is rather surprising, yet not upsetting to me. Upsetting to the normal world, most assuredly. Maybe I best keep things under wrap for a bit longer.

When I tried to kill myself the second time (when I really meant it), there was a feeling of absolute clarity and relief that it was all going to be over. Like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Not sure if this is what you felt, but I don't believe it's uncommon at all

I don't think any type of suicide is good or healthy. Life is precious at any stage. I guess for me I've been told that it's not my choice to make. By the way I did slit my wrists in July from the results of medication that knocked me on my butt. Even unmedicated for me that just wasn't an option. Some meds if they aren't helping can make you way worse. I'm proof of that.