I haven't been doing very well. The past few days suicidal thoughts would creep in. There was a post yesterday, or the day before, anyway, it was allowing myself to kill myself in a planned way with support of family and friends who didn't want me to suffer my pain anymore and were willing to let me go. It was OK to let go. This thinking actually gave me some relief. There was no pointing the finger, no name callings of selfishness, no religious guilt of condemnation..just pure and simple relief. I had my meds. changed last night. The thoughts of suicide are no longer with me, but the method of how I found relief is very much with me. It makes me wonder if its not just another form of self mutilation, like cutting, only without the physical scars. It makes me wonder if it is healthy thinking or unhealthy thinking, if it is harmless thinking or harmful thinking. I just wondered what your thoughts on this would be.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??