Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Tonight was the first time,in a long time, i have really wanted to just take that pill bottle and eat it ,with a big glass of watr.
I think I was triggered by my new meds (Depakote),and the feeling my life has become a totlal failure.
I was remembering the days ,when I had a brilliant mind,worked for the largest electronics company,and was the only woman in the U.S. doing the type of work ,i did.I was on top of the world. I started crying ,because I was afraid to go out of the house to do some grocery shopping.I live in a small town,and I wan't up to explaining "HOW ARE YOU?"
It was getting pretty bad.I had the bottle in my hand.At the last min,I did all the things we tell our other DS members in crisis what to do.
I called my BF...told him ,I was really tired of the sick feelings ,the empty brain ,the limitations on my life.
I mourn the days when I was considered the genius in my field.
He immediately came and got me.We went to the movies...Michael Clayton(?,I think that was the name).
Anyway ,a sub plot is about a manic depressive,who had been medicated sucsessfully for years.Then had his HYPOMANIC ephany.To hear the actor go on in his accelerated hypo excited ideology...brought back memeories of myself being in meetings...and they would set up rcorders to try and keep up with my ideas.
This is what I miss the most..my brain,in an accelerated pace of ideas after ideas.
I've taken my xanax,an d I'm woozy,and sleepy.
What do you mourn the most about your lost self?
I'm going to bed now...I feel safe,not in danger...I'll let the little doggies sleep with me tonight ,insstead of their sleeping crates.
Hope to see some thought provkeing answers in the Am
Night friends
dd
I think I was triggered by my new meds (Depakote),and the feeling my life has become a totlal failure.
I was remembering the days ,when I had a brilliant mind,worked for the largest electronics company,and was the only woman in the U.S. doing the type of work ,i did.I was on top of the world. I started crying ,because I was afraid to go out of the house to do some grocery shopping.I live in a small town,and I wan't up to explaining "HOW ARE YOU?"
It was getting pretty bad.I had the bottle in my hand.At the last min,I did all the things we tell our other DS members in crisis what to do.
I called my BF...told him ,I was really tired of the sick feelings ,the empty brain ,the limitations on my life.
I mourn the days when I was considered the genius in my field.
He immediately came and got me.We went to the movies...Michael Clayton(?,I think that was the name).
Anyway ,a sub plot is about a manic depressive,who had been medicated sucsessfully for years.Then had his HYPOMANIC ephany.To hear the actor go on in his accelerated hypo excited ideology...brought back memeories of myself being in meetings...and they would set up rcorders to try and keep up with my ideas.
This is what I miss the most..my brain,in an accelerated pace of ideas after ideas.
I've taken my xanax,an d I'm woozy,and sleepy.
What do you mourn the most about your lost self?
I'm going to bed now...I feel safe,not in danger...I'll let the little doggies sleep with me tonight ,insstead of their sleeping crates.
Hope to see some thought provkeing answers in the Am
Night friends
dd
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
i don't know what to say... just :]
To bad I can't get a ticket refund...I feel ,I've been short changed!
Are you a free agent in all your actions or are you constrained? You seem very articulate and bright. You've helped me greatly with this post.
We know how it feels to have BD and some of us know how it felt or feels to be in the "normal/stable" zone. Comparing ourselves to what we were, what we could be, consumes a lot of energy that could be used for bettering what we are now.
I was an Electrical contractor for years. Our biggest client was our local power company. While working with them I invented a space aged type of storage heater. They had the finances to put it into production. The fact that it is now in use in many homes here in Maine tickles my heart. I feel gratified.
What ideas were going through your brilliant mind when you had that position in the electronics field? I'd like to know :D
-----------------------------
note: donnise you seem to have all that here and now "huggles"
Things I miss most? My younger children, they live with their father, at least my oldest lives with me but I feel like I've put him through so much crap, I can hardly believe what a great kid he turned out to be (he's 18)...maybe I did
*something* right with him!
I miss being a stay at home Mom.
I have 2 failed marriages under my belt...and possibly a third in the works.
I've change jobs SOOO many times and moved alot.
I just want to get my life together, to get on a stable, healthy path and STAY there!
I happened to be spending time with DH yesterday at the time. I just shared with him how I was feeling. I was so proud of him, because he didn't try to offer pat answers, didn't tell me to snap out of it, etc. He just LISTENED.
Well, I don't know why, but it seemed like just opening up and talking about it diffused it. I didn't really realize that would happen - I was just sharing these thoughts with DH. Anyway, I feel a lot better.
Well, I don't know if that helped, but I did find it weird that you and I were both feeling this way yesterday. I hope and pray you are feeling better, and you are in my thoughts.
Anyway let us know how you do throughout the days! Will be praying for you. H
peace,
DWB
I dont' mean to discourage your medication, if it helps you in other ways, great, but you know, if you're feeling that way, I'm not sure that's good, or the point of treatment. I think we all tend to mourn having full blown mania or hypomania....there's a feeling of being on top of the world and all that, but you know, Lamictal makes me feel happy, just even. I still get depressive eps, meds can't stop everything. But it's not as bad. anyway just a thought. Maybe it's the med. Or maybe it's something else.
peace, good luck!
DWB
It's really hard for me to reach out for help.
I was always the one with the "HELP AND ANSWERS".
I'm trying to relearn ,a new me......but part of our human experiences & brains are HARD wired.....I got HARD wired ,as" boss",early in my life....it was all those damn little cousins I had to watch over!!LOL!!!
Seriously...Thank you all!
Your answeres mean a lot to me.