so here i am sitting by myself in my house and completely manic mentally and depressed physically. i have so much i need to be doing around the house but can't get focused. i finally took a shower and had to shave my legs. i started to cut. now its all i can think about. new ways to hurt myself. i am not worth it anymore. i can't take care of my house. i am barely taking care of my dog. im getting ready to lose my house to forclosure. i have so many bills i can't pay. i am on a downward spiral and have not control anymore. all i can think about is new ways to hurt myself. i am avoiding the kitchen because that is where all of the sharp objects are. but i do have to go down there to make dinner sometime. i haven't eaten today because i haven't felt like it nor have i been hungry. i just feel like the world is crashing down around me and i can't control it. i feel like a worthless pos who doesnt deserve happiness in her life. and to top it all off i am supposed to go on a date tonight. how am i supposed to do that when i am feeling like this. this is f$%#d up. when will i start to feel normal again. i just changed anti depressants yesterday and so far nothing. i just wonder if that is contributing to my manic nature. oh well f%%^ it all. i am not worth it.
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