I really don't know whether or not I believe that I am bipolar or just crazy. It's only been about a year since I was diagnosed, but in that time i've done some strange things. Just recently I announced all over dailystrength that doctors/the government were using meds with microphones for spying and mind control. I accused a dailystrength member of being "one of them." For a while, I bathed with my clothes on because of cameras that weren't really there. I've believed myself to have the power to fly and on another occasion, to be invisible. Both ideas ended very badly. I tried to jump out of a tree and fly. I walked around wearing no clothing, thinking I was invisible. I've felt so down that i've just stayed in bed for nearly two weeks except to use the bathroom. Another time I didn't wash my hair/body, change clothes, brush teeth/hair for a couple of weeks while still going out into the world. I'll just completely stop caring about EVERYTHING. I'll feel so hopeless, like a zombie or something, like i'm not totally "there." It's so hard to explain. The countless overdoses...I tried to hang myself once...Sometimes I feel like it's painful just to be alive. Just controlling my emotions, on a daily basis, feels impossible. Though I really do have myself to blame. I'm so bad about taking my medication. I HATE Olanzapine, but it's what my parents medical coverage will get me and I may possibly be anorexic. I HATE gaining weight. Please try not to judge me too much...I'm a little scared.
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