Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

deleted_user
I just can't live like this any more. They were suppose to give me a ECT on Monday but found something in my brain and now they can't do it. I really hoped this would help alot. It was my only hope. I don't know what to do anymore. They took me off most of my meds (down from 6 to 2). So I am worse now than ever.
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The fact is I can live like this. I have been and will continue to. It isn't great i don't like it but here I am. And believe me. I am down too. But for some reason there's this stubborn streak that keep me from quitting.
I wake up every day and go "damn, this isn't over yet?" So why do i continue?
It varies from day to day, but on my worst days, it's because I am not giving anyone the satisfaction of saying "yup, he finally went and offed himself I knew he was a nut bag"
I am so very sorry to hear that they can't give you the ECT and that they sound something in your brain. That must be a huge disappointment to you, indeed.
Oh, honey, please try to not feel as this was your only hope!!! I feel very sad that you are now worse than ever. You've already gone through so much and for so long and I hate to see that you are now having to put up with even more!!
Is there any chance that whatever they found in your brain can be related to your illness and that it can be treated in any way?
I hope that when the newness of this latest setback has subsided a little bit, that you will feel at least a small amount of hope that some improvement is still possible and then focus on that.
I know that battling all these things is very wearying and stressful and heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you.
Good luck and try to take care.
Ron
They found an enlarge blood vessel in my brain and because your blood pressure increases during the procedure they didn't want to take the risk.
I talked to my REAL pdoc this afternoon and he is going to see what he can do. He says the risks are no more than 1 in 1000. He thinks we should still consider it. I have an appt with him on Saturday. He is a good pdoc. It is the asshole at the hospital that messed everything up. I didnt' like him last time I was in and told them this time that I wanted the doc that my pdoc wanted for me. Just didn't happen.
I wish I didn't have this feeling of hopelessness. I just don't know what to do. I am so depressed and agry at the same time. I just wanted to take a bunch of pills and fall asleep. And if I never wake up, all the better.