I have the same thoughts every day..I can't live like this anymore. It's the faces of my loved ones I force to run through my head to keep me going and what they would look like if I did something to "end it all". Are you bipolar??? What did they find in your head?

Shit that is a big jump in meds to just stop at once. Are they weening you off any or just stopping them at once? Did they tell you what they found and why they have done what they have done? There has to be a reason they did this. I would be asking ALOT of questions if I was you.

I say the same thing. I can't live like this. What is it that I have to do? Wny can't I be normal?

The fact is I can live like this. I have been and will continue to. It isn't great i don't like it but here I am. And believe me. I am down too. But for some reason there's this stubborn streak that keep me from quitting.

I wake up every day and go "damn, this isn't over yet?" So why do i continue?

It varies from day to day, but on my worst days, it's because I am not giving anyone the satisfaction of saying "yup, he finally went and offed himself I knew he was a nut bag"

do you trust your MD or pdoc? I had to look, to find a good one (actually, a good MD, good meds specialist for 2 years until I got on a good "cocktail" and now just the good MD/good therapist. Down from 6 to 2 is a shock to your system. Of course you feel messed up. Do some visits w/other pdocs & find one who makes sense, who listens to you & knows all about your condition!

What happened? What did they find? Hold on there is always an answer around the corner, it just seems like forever with us.

Hi, theresa01!!!
I am so very sorry to hear that they can't give you the ECT and that they sound something in your brain. That must be a huge disappointment to you, indeed.
Oh, honey, please try to not feel as this was your only hope!!! I feel very sad that you are now worse than ever. You've already gone through so much and for so long and I hate to see that you are now having to put up with even more!!
Is there any chance that whatever they found in your brain can be related to your illness and that it can be treated in any way?
I hope that when the newness of this latest setback has subsided a little bit, that you will feel at least a small amount of hope that some improvement is still possible and then focus on that.
I know that battling all these things is very wearying and stressful and heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you.
Good luck and try to take care.

theresa, I am so sorry to hear about your setback. I hope you find the doctor and med cocktail that can really help you. My prayers are with you.
Ron

theresa01 I'm so sorry to hear about your setback. I know things seem really bleak right now, but they are finding new things every day. Bipolar is one of the biggest research topics in mental health because so many people are being diagnosed with it every day, and now they are finding how young a person can be diagnosed, etc. There may be a logical reason that they are taking you off a lot of your meds...possibly that what they found is not compatible with what you were on and that they need to find something else...or treat what they found first then do the ECT. There could be a range of reasons. Don't give up. I know that's easy to say, hard to do...I say the same thing you did all the time, but I can't imagine not living and seeing the ones I love. I wish you the best and will be praying for you.

They did wean me off the meds over a two day stretch. Not much time really.

They found an enlarge blood vessel in my brain and because your blood pressure increases during the procedure they didn't want to take the risk.

I talked to my REAL pdoc this afternoon and he is going to see what he can do. He says the risks are no more than 1 in 1000. He thinks we should still consider it. I have an appt with him on Saturday. He is a good pdoc. It is the asshole at the hospital that messed everything up. I didnt' like him last time I was in and told them this time that I wanted the doc that my pdoc wanted for me. Just didn't happen.

I wish I didn't have this feeling of hopelessness. I just don't know what to do. I am so depressed and agry at the same time. I just wanted to take a bunch of pills and fall asleep. And if I never wake up, all the better.

Having had sucessful ECT, I would definitely get a second opinion. Having ECT seemed to reset my brains electrical system to make it more ameniable to meds. Also you are supposed to taper off meds over weeks not days so no wonder you feel so horrible. I hope they are giving you Klonopin or something to help you through this.

I just think those sort of thoughts/beliefs come with the territory when you are that depressed...they seem like such unblinkered 'truth'...but the fact is, when the crisis of this dreadful time passes you have a more well-rounded view...have hope...and *can* live. It can be hard to believe when you're suffering like this, but it does pass.

I left the hopital only taking seroquel and camprel. pdoc put me back on my larazapam (which I take about every few hours cause I can't take this) and tegritol.