I am feeling horrid. I know I instigated the things that lead to the fight last night. Another horrid episode of yelling, crying, breakin stuff. I really hate myself today. My brother was stillborn. Why did I live instead of him or maybe in addition to? I think I need to get on SSI, get meds, something. We cannot continue to live like this. I'm afraid I will hurt myself or someone else. I don't remember alot of what happened. I try to have a couple drinks to relax and it just didn't work. I can't drink anymore. I am just really disappointed that things in my life are so opposite of what I wanted them to be. :(
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