i was diagnosed in 2004 after a manic episode and was hospitalised, refused any after treatment until i slumped into a dark depression and attempted suicide. I then engaged with treatment and services, i eventually weaned myself off medication but still engaged with mental health services. All was goimg relatively ok, i had good days and bad days nothing too major. That was until last year when i had another manic episode which was great until the dark depression came back, which i can't seem to shift. I'm not a big fan of medication and think i can cope, until the paranoia and anxiety come flooding over me. I feel like my life has been torn apart and everyday is a struggle to face the world. I have completely destroyed almost all my relationships with family and friends which is due to my behaviour and thoughts towards them. I'm trying hard to be normal but feel i'm fighting a losing battle.
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