I guess I'm scared. I cycled last week for three days for the first time in over a year. Not too bad really, in and out of depression and hyperness, not even hypomania. Sunday and Monday and yesterday, I crashed. I've been working full time for 5 months for the 1st time in 6 years in a really stressful, dysfunctional job - as a clinician in a community mental health clinic. My quality of life has really taken a dive. I really wanted to help others -- so many caregiver professionals have helped me. I wanted to kind of pay it foward. But I'm aware that in the last several mo, I've become pretty cynical and negative. I feel like my light as a person is dimming. Not suicidal - just exhausted. I'm looking for a new job - trying w/ the help of a good shrink to get my meds back on track after about a month and half of depression. I feel boring and relentless, relentlessly a one topic person: work. Have just decided to start going to a bipolar support group. I guesss i thought that working would be a dream come true but it's been more of a nightmare. A toxic work system. I'm in burn out here and I'm worried that I'm burning out my friends. I think my other question is when is enough enough? Am I really helping anyone by endangering my health? Any advice or empathy would be so appreciated. Thanks.
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