I hate gaining weight on this crap. I have lost all friends but 1. I have "the runs" every day. I can't tolerate heat as well as usual. I don't know if I'm up or I'm down and as soon as I discover it, I flip. I can't sleep at all or I sleep too much. Very few understand how I feel. I feel "swept under the rug". Certain sounds bother me greatly. My credit report is shot. I do have a lot of nice things from overspending. The hospital probably knows me by first name. My pdoc is a moron. My old therapist is great and my new therapist is a student. Having a student as a therapist makes me nervous. I know more about bp than my student therapist. My memory sucks. My cognitive skills suck. I worry a lot about the future. I can't find a job. I have been unable to hold down a job for very long. I've been on long term and short term disability and I'm only 32. My medicine cabinet looks like a pharmacy. I've tried so many meds that I can't remember them all. I have not had a romantic relationship for almost 2 years. I have no sex drive. I spend way too much time on the computer. I have traveled to some pretty cool places in the US and overseas. My parents live on a lake and I have a great tan. Why does that matter? I also have OCD but it doesn't bother me anymore. I have 3 relatives with bipolar and 3 relatives with schizophrenia. Many with depression. I often feel sorry for myself and expect others to as well. I think I would rather have a disease that caused physical pain. I don't feel so alone when I read or post here.
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