I stop myself from looking back so much cos I wouldn't be able to move.

I actually think that being BP helped me survive the more traumatic experiences in my life.

I agree with SuzeQ

Can you guys elaborate on the "survival" of the bad things? The only thing I can think of in my case is I have the high IQ aspect so school was easy so I buried myself in schoolwork when I was a kid. When I was a young adult, I didn't do drugs or drink, but I had some strange "manic" habits (of course I didn't know it then as I wasn't diagnosed).

I'll try, Val

Mania kept me very busy and out of the way from some of the physical abuse being dealt out ot home and allowed me to be good in school so no one suspected what was really going on. Disassociation allowed be to live thru the various sexual assaults from the time I was 4 or so. Rage allowed me to defend myself when cornered.

Hi, ValC!!!
Jeez. I think I could have escaped being a 'full blown' bipolar, if all of life's shit hadn't happened to me!! And it took a LOT to finally push me over the edge, too!!!!!
LOL!!!! So now I have the shit AND the BP!!!! And of course, it's harder to deal with both at once!!

Thanks Nana and Carla, that helps. I think I may have dissociative disorder too, but never diagnosed. I'm not willing to dredge up more. I have enough now. The state of my life right now creates too much time to think (middle-age and unemployed = crisis).

I understand, Val. My physical problems forced me to retire and now I face the same as you---except I have grandchildren that I watch every day, so i only spend the nights thinking and crying.

I kinda figured that all the turmoil in my life was an indirect result of my illness. I've always imagined that without BP I'd have had an easier life, sigh

it would always be better withoutt bipolar

I was told that many people can have BP and show no signs of it. Tramatizeing experiences get the system going and on how you react to situations after that. If someone had a peaceful uneventful life it may never rear it's head. Those of us who havn't had peace never stood a chance.

Some children suffer the worse abuse and still make it in life, others are too traumatized and end up usually self-medicating with drugs and reliving abusive situations. Everyone is different. I know my life was smoother without the BP but don't know if it would continue that way or maybe I would contract some other disease because that's destiny. I feel so sorry for your pain and hope you get the peace of mind you so justly deserve soon.

That is a dangerous path to walk. Life just is not fair,...period.

I didn't realize how many other "issues" I had until I came here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I REALIZED that I had a lot of shit wrong...I just didn't know most of it is BP associated. I am just glad I don't hear voices. That is one of my biggest fears. Damn, I already forgot tha question....Sorry..

I have had no trauma in my life, until my dad died, quickly but naturally 3 yrs ago..I spent 6 years on ADs/beta-blockers,saw counsellors etc, constant panic attacks that got worse and more frequent over time..im not a hypocondriac, far from it. I completely lost my mind in an instant..I can only describe at nervous breakdown..nothing physically wrong..they left me in hell for nine fucking months all on my own!!!!I didnt understand what was happening to me??? I had to beg the dr to refer me, after 15 months of being unable to even move from my sofa, of my mum coming to sit with me every single fucking day, coz i was too scared to be left alone! I could not even walk up to the loo on my own. the bleakness over me crushing me, i could not stand up. My mum paid and got me a private diagnosis, got BP & multi-faceted panic disorders..Sorry to be so angry..No obvious trauma, no problem..I felt like it really was all in my head,and i was just left to go mad!! I didnt need to go thru what i did, i feel angry about this...
Then i come on here and read what some people have been thru, i cry for them-i have no comprehension of what they`ve been thru, and i feel very silly and very minor...
But i know that BP aint a game, whether there is obvious reason or not, it makes it no easier...if anything more understandable..