I'm a guy in my early 20's and I have been diagnosed as bi polar since I was about 16. I've had my ups and downs. I was going to graduate high school with a rating of 5th in my class, but I dropped out at the last minute because I had bad grades my last semester and my girlfriend and I had a fight that sent me out of the school. I struggled with it through my late teens and from 20 up until last summer I had no hospitalizations. Last summer I tried to kill myself as a result in my father calling the police on me after a fight. I was sent to jail and there I tried to kill myself. I was sent to the nearest mental hospital and was released with the charges dropped. The judge is watching over me and I live with my mother now. I have a small time pizza delivery job and I'm about the start college again. I have about a year before I graduate. I've been without a lover for over a year and I'm very lonely. I don't know what to do. Every old lady from here to Cancun says how attractive I am, and I don't know what to do with that. Everyone says wait and that a special person will come. I have a feeling that is true, but I don't know why I need to wait so long. I know that my disorder gets in the way a lot and I don't want that to ruin me again. It's so boring in my house during the days and I have no one to talk to or spend time with. I live in a city where the president went to college and there's a lot of youth activity here, but it seems that all of the students and kids here want are people who are going to be dramatically successful someday. All I want to be is a therapist someday. It seems like life is rough no matter what I do and I've been harboring on guilt and regret that has affected me since I was a kid. I need some feed back. Am I doing what is good for me? I'm seeing a social worker and I'm taking all of my medications, but is that enough? Do I need special groups? Should I start looking harder for a mate or someone to spend time with? What should I do?
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