I never had to explain. There was no label therefore no "excuse" for anyone to imply. The all just thought I ws having a bad day. Life was better back then.

All i knew, and everyone thought, was that I had boundless energy.Looking back I laugh at the insanity of it, all. Had I knew I may have directed my energies differently. As far as the moods everyone either thought I was a pain in the ass, hyper sensitive, or just down right waked, not ill.

I always thought of myself as a falcon eating a squirrel on a fence overlooking the cemetery where Grant Taft is buried.

I thought I was crazy and that one day my brain would explain and I would totally lose it and end up in a state hospital locked away forever in a catatonic state. I also thought that a lot of my problems were character flaws and if only I were a better person I wouldn't be like this. And then there was the preacher that told me I was demon possessed. Which wasn't possible because I was a christian.

I drank so it was assumed I just had a drinking problem. I am on the right meds and no longer drink :)

The only thing I knew of Manic Depression was the Hendrix song

So we have come along way Pluck.

A coworker once said it best...he said, "Tom...you're the person that says what everyone else is just thinking"

I always felt like the "real" me was on the inside looking out. That I was a good person with good things to offer trapped inside a monsters body. I felt like I had no control over my emotions, moods, anger. Then one day I decided to nurture the "real" person and be who I thought I could be. I am forever grateful for that realization and the work I began 30 years ago or I could not be who I am today. Hugs

When I was in highschool and college... I always strived to be the best. "Plan B". If I failed to live up to my expectations... I resigned myself to suicide. And I did try.
I became intimate with my English teacher, and she kept me stable. She was older and very compassionate. Not only was she my lover... she was my therapist. She kept me under control. I learned to adapt. If it wasn't for her... I'd be dead. BP is so much acceptable if you have someone that understands you and tries (along with yourself), to make your life work. She'd make up her mind... and I'd make up mine. We'd compare notes.
Compassion and companionship is SO important. BP's are fragile and need all the support they can get.

Check out the hook, when my DJ revolves it... I rock a mic like a vandal, light up a stage and wax a chump lik a candle.


Pre-BP scary memory

This is a very good question. I do think that mine was ultimately set off by drug use but I do recall as a teenager, I would go through some periods where I was extremely social and nothing in the world made me insecure and at other times, I was so depressed that I couldn't even go to school. As a matter of fact, I would miss a good week a semester--making up some b.s. reason to not go. I think that I just accepted it 'as is.' Well, as closely to accepting it as I could. I was only on anti-depressants and they really didn't help with what I was going through. People just thought that I was weird...lol.

I always felt like something was definately wrong with me but I never could put my finger on it. I am a super sensitive person as well. I also was an observer of people and situations and constantly compared myself to others situations. I too experience paranoia when I am not on medication.

there was no BP diagnosis when I was coming up ...or at least it wasn't talked about. So I ended up being a pothead skate rat that drank alot.....

I thought it was ghosts and evil spirits tormenting me and guess what even after diagnosis ,I STILL DO !