yesturday i hit the brick wall and slid down so hard! i was fine, happy and talkative - nothing manic just stable - than something hit me, i stood dazed and confused then very very sad, lonely - i went up for a sleep but 20 mins and was out for the count, as if someone switched the power off, i then awoke and was still down - took my zyprexa to try to stabalise but nothing, took the diazepam and.....nothing! i took myself off to bed again took my normal meds on top and woke this morning still feeling so down, i had to get up to take my eldest to school - i really didnt want to but knew that there wasnt anyone else that could take her. it was soooohhh hard to get out of bed!!! im a ultra rapid cycler and im used to hitting the wall so hard that i just want to escape and disapear then it spirals back up to hyper mania - i wouldnt mind as much if i had a great manic but i didnt! its not fare!! i want it to stop, i want to escape, i want to rub my life out!
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