Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Am I way off Base?

deleted_user
deleted_user
What is Ugly? What is the difference between what others percieve and what we believe to be true about ourselves? Only when we have grown older and wiser through experience that we become more objective about ourselves and our past. When I have an attack of depression it is so deep that I am unable to percieve the way I am when I am feeling much better. My therapist once asked me if I thought I could ever be happy. I said I didn't know because I had never experience happiness as a way of life... He might as well asked me if I thought I would ever find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. One of the driving forces in the human race is the need to feel understood. Most of us with severe mental disorders suffer silently....wondering what is going on with us...feeling bad, ugly, stupid...we feel that asking for help exposes our weakness/ugliness and puts us at risk of being misunderstood/shamed/punished/rejected. Does anyone out there feel the same, or am I way off base?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i feel the same way. i always tried to hide my problems but lately i've been alot more open about it. i don't think i care anymore. i know people talk about me and say awful things. that hurts. i've never fit in anywhere. i can't even look at myself directly in the mirror. if i do it makes me sick. i can't face what i see.
dobiedots
dobiedots
Geez Patty - you are such a sweetie pie. Why feel this way???
But I agree w/the not caring any more. People will talk anyway no matter who you are (I talk about Paris Hilton and not in a nice way). Anywya I've become open about stuff because I also do not care. It's my life and my world too!! Move over "perfect" person, I"ve got something to say.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hence the question arises
do you want to be happy?
Maybe yo are haveing a good time being unhappy.
I say this with love
Maybe you like being a victim.
I find that when I feel like that depressed really down there. I need to do positive stuff. This disease lies to me and tells me things like I am worthless dumb blah bleh.
I am what I think and do. So when I am really down. I do the oppisite of whatr I think. I do positive things that could be the dishes. Or helping another person. I try to do ten acts of random kindness a day. That helps ward off the depresions.
I hope this helps I dont like seeing people suffer.
deleted_user
deleted_user
thanks for the replies...I too have a terrible self-loathing....It is amazing what medications do for my perspective, but I dread going back to the place were I feel so bad about myself that I can't look in the mirror.
deleted_user
deleted_user
WhoMe,

Well, I think you wrote a beautiful Topic here
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate myself,i mean hate my self. I dont have a mirror in my house because i cant bare too look at me. I also hate the way i feel,the way i act and that i have this illness. What i do like about myself is i love to help people,make them feel good and give advice.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand and still feel this way sometimes.
I know Ive been a real challenge in therapy because I wouldnt open up and admit the tortuous thoughts I have..how all my anger turns inward.
I knew these thoughts and feelings were abnormal...I couldnt admit it to anyone.

This is all slowly changing however and I am stating to break through these barriers to happiness.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I totally relate to you. I hate myself more than anyone could ever. But i like the suggestions of doing good things, sadly its not a rush that lasts very long. and i too cannot look in the mirror. I hate who i see.
tommymott
tommymott
To paraphrase, ugly is as ugly does. Ugly is a state of mind, ugly is a state of action.
And if beauty is in the eye of the beholder then so is ugly.

I'd be happy to judge whether I'm enjoying being miserable. I'm incapable of making that judgment for somebody else.
Shelly4
Shelly4
I agree with you Matt, this disorder does lie to us constantly, it controls our emotions. I learned a long time ago to always look and move forward. It is never easy being depressed, but we can be happy even when depressed. It isnt about how we can make others happy or what others think of us. It is about how do we make ourselves happy and be at peace with who we are and what we have done to make ourselves well. I find that when I am depressed it is helpful to go back and read my jornal pages that are marked a good day. Those are the days I focus on. You are not way off Base with your post Whome, you are right on, but we can take control of our life and be the best we can be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the more your face is symetrical,the more attractive you are. Its true,science told me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldn't say I hate myself... at least not in an on the surface kind of way. More than anything, I hate the fact that I can't seem to become the person I want to be. I can fake it most of the time, but I can't get my inner voices to turn off, you know, the ones that contantly remind you of what you want that you can't have, or worse yet, the voice that seems to constantly remind me of some stupid completely insignificant thing that I screwed up... Anyone know how to ignore it?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Jaxxy, I have those voices too. For some reason they remind me of all the horrible mistakes I've made in my life. Only medication seems to quiet the voices.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I used to feel ashamed, ugly, like everyone hated me. And because of that I avoid meeting people for many years. But going untreated my illness just got worse and I started looking for something to make my life better. I meet my now husband and he helped me see the real me even before he knew about my illness. I kept it hidden from him for almost the first year of our relationship and it even almost caused us to break up. But because of his understanding and persistence he has helped me see who I really am, the person who has been hiding. Yes, I still have bad days especially now that he is not around right now to constantly remind me I am worth something, but it is alot better than it used to be. I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
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