Okay, Friday I was starting to sink into deprresion, then by Friday night I was buzzing around like I had a propellor on my a$$! I can't even begin to list the stuff I did this weekend, but by Sunday night my legs were aching from never sitting down all weekend. When I woke up Monday morning my left leg was numb. I was in a great mood for 4 days and riding high. By midafternoon yesterday I was sinking again and now I have sunk to a low, low. I have to constantly be moving and if I stop and sit down to try to relax, I start to get depressed. I am never rested. Every night this weekend when I go to bed I had horrible nightmares, even though I had a great day. I feel like if the day is good, I am punished in my sleep with nightmares and lack of sleep. It's like "Oh, you had a great day, so you will be punished in sleep." I am questioning why this keeps happening. I take my meds and try to keep myself busy. I wonder if I am a good person? Am I doing something wrong in my life? Please tell me, do any of you think I am a bad or negative person? Do I deserve some sort of punishment? Maybe I was a serial killer in a past life, I don't know, I just don't get it and can't take it any more! Am I a bad person? Why does my mind have to keep messing with me?
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...