Okay, Friday I was starting to sink into deprresion, then by Friday night I was buzzing around like I had a propellor on my a$$! I can't even begin to list the stuff I did this weekend, but by Sunday night my legs were aching from never sitting down all weekend. When I woke up Monday morning my left leg was numb. I was in a great mood for 4 days and riding high. By midafternoon yesterday I was sinking again and now I have sunk to a low, low. I have to constantly be moving and if I stop and sit down to try to relax, I start to get depressed. I am never rested. Every night this weekend when I go to bed I had horrible nightmares, even though I had a great day. I feel like if the day is good, I am punished in my sleep with nightmares and lack of sleep. It's like "Oh, you had a great day, so you will be punished in sleep." I am questioning why this keeps happening. I take my meds and try to keep myself busy. I wonder if I am a good person? Am I doing something wrong in my life? Please tell me, do any of you think I am a bad or negative person? Do I deserve some sort of punishment? Maybe I was a serial killer in a past life, I don't know, I just don't get it and can't take it any more! Am I a bad person? Why does my mind have to keep messing with me?
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