Today Mom and I met with the hospice nurse for my Nana. It got real. I was fine. I teared up when they started talking about Nana’s DO NOT RESUSCITATE order. But I made it fine came home and worked on some yarn.
I have to get new tires for my car tomorrow. I got my first social security payment a week ago so I have the money for it. But with all of my other bills my bank account is dropping lower than I’d like. But I am able to pay for new tires. I am blessed.
I was fine fine before I got to work but almost as soon as I got there I was having symptoms of a panic attack. I went back to highsviik in art class when I first used an alezacti knife. In my head I kept seeing myself using it to cut my wrists in class in front of everyone. Not for attention. It felt like a compulsion. I didn’t do it in real but the images just kept repeating in my head.
I walked out of the room where we were cleaning up dishes from residents tables. I went to the staff lounge and for an ativan and called my mom. The rest of the night I was too busy to think about anything but taking a break I didn’t get. But I made it through my shift. I had a mild panic attack and I managed. So I can’t hekp but to feel proud of myself
One of the best things for my bipolar is to have a routine. Right now my routine is goofed up which is my fault. I don't feel too bad about sleeping until 2 pm last night because hubby and I had a great talk and it was one of those types of nights that I wish would never end.I'll get back on schedule eventually. When it comes to the bottom line I'd rather have a meaningful conversation with...
Yesterday I had the luxury of a lot of time to read posts on here.........for the first time in my life I didn't feel like I was a weirdo......when I introduced myself I told you about what my dd's biological father had been doing to her, that's the worst because it's not me taking the pain....it's my kid....but my previous experiences have been signifcant as well......there isn't much that...