Not only is today a day of mourning for our country, it a day of mouning for me too. Today is the day I put my son out of the house a year ago. Our life together, living under the same roof was so toxic and painful, both my physical/mental health were in jeapardy. In order for my son to obtain services, he had to be homeless, otherwise it would have taken him 1-2 years to obtain services from CT YAS program*Young Adult Services. The school system helped me and he went from school to a homless shelter where he stayed for 5 weeks until he was accepted by the state for services.
I've felt lost without him, glad he is gone, and sick with worry for his future. The challeges he faces, his invisible disability and mental scars have all taken a toll on his ability to face the reality of life as an adult. In addition to aspergers, he is also dx'd with anxiety, ocd, pervasive development disorder and adhd. I know I can no longer tell him or make him do anything...but I feel such frustration I just want to take him by the shoulders and shake him saying "Wake Up" the way you are behaving now will effect your future.
Since my cancer was addressed in 2014 I've done everything I can to obtain services through school, BRS, and the St. Ct so he will have all the help he needs if I have a reacourance of cancer. My sister died at 35 and my brother at 56 and I'm 63 so I feel I need to get all my ducks in a row...Now. Struggling to find ways to 'make myself' do what I know needs to be done that I've avoided. At the same time, not being "too soft" on myself so I'll face and do all the small things to avoid becoming overwhelmed to the shut down mode...usually followed by depression and numbness.
As the saying goes, all things will pass, change is a way of life and acceptance, facing one's reality in the moment is the way I servive my fear...for my son and for myself...wellbeing, one day at a time. I've learned it's helpful for me to do little bits of what fears me, just to Start has been a stratigy and then take Baby Steps to completion. So after this post, I'll be facing the task of getting all court documentation of guardianship together in order to re-submit to probate court...the letter to terminate has been turned in so the process has started. God willing, I'll be able to push past my fear and anxiety to get the job done. Last week, despite my desire, I fell short of following my daily routine for the week. I'm not beating myself up, just hoping to do better this coming week. Take care, ML
I'm having big PTSD fight or flight symptoms today because I literally had a flight taken away from me today. Months ago before the pandemic I bought a plane ticket for a flight to Mexico today so I could stay there all summer in the little house I rented. The idea was to prepare the place for retirement next year. My friend of 37 years, Deb, made a pact with me in 1983 that we kept as we...
I’m more than not okay. I haven’t been on here since my last post before mother’s day. It looks like you guys sent me such nice messages but I keep seeing blurry a little trying to read them my eyes are swollen from crying so much this has been the first day that I haven’t been paralyzed by EVERYTHING that I was even able to log on I’m in a really really bad place, I been thinking...