I believe I would try and get him some help. Try taking him to see his therapist and have him let you go back with him so you can tell them what is going on or even is Pdoc. If neither are available you may want to take him to the er. I would also apply for his disability.
Best of Luck
((hugs))

Thank you so much for your response. I have had him to see several doctors but he won't talk about anything to them. He just sits in the chair and says nothing. He spent time in a crisis unit last year and all he ever did was blame me for his being there. They Baker Acted him, I didn't do it. I just sat him down and tried to encourage him to join this support group so that maybe he could talk with people that are in the same predicament. He just looked at me and laughed and told me that he was not going to talk to people that he didn't know. He won't even talk to me about he feels. All he says is, "I don't know". I am so frustrated!!!!!

My daughter, like me, is BP - she is a USF student & there is nothing you can tell her without a rebuttle.... I just listen & when I wish to no longer argue I stop talking & walk away....

I don't know what to say.....

Should I really take him to the ER? At this point, I do wonder if that would be the best route. He only wants to sit around and feel sorry for himself and not try to do anything to improve his situation. He wants his father and I to pay for his car (which he can't drive) and buy his food and clothes while he sits and does nothing!

Should I really take him to the ER? At this point, I do wonder if that would be the best route. He only wants to sit around and feel sorry for himself and not try to do anything to improve his situation. He wants his father and I to pay for his car (which he can't drive) and buy his food and clothes while he sits and does nothing!

Should I really take him to the ER? At this point, I do wonder if that would be the best route. He only wants to sit around and feel sorry for himself and not try to do anything to improve his situation. He wants his father and I to pay for his car (which he can't drive) and buy his food and clothes while he sits and does nothing!

NO only take him to the ER if he is suicidal or homicidal other wise they may not take him. Also apply for his disability like some one else suggested. You may need a support group for your self. There may even be one on DS not sure.

Other wise I know that dealing with a son who has bp is no picnic but you will have to think of everything you can to persuade him to get help. And if he doesn't except that he needs help he maybe unlikely to get any. It's a process and many of us have started out like him, in denial. Plus often the help we get is not immediate and there is no cure it's a long road to being stable.

And I wouldn't pay for his car just yet. Try and use that as incentive for him to get help if you even decide to pay for it at all. But no you are not obligated to pay for anything or do anything more than what is necessary for his well being.

Other wise good luck.

I know others may hate on me for saying this, but honestly I have to say this.

If he is to disruptive to your own mental health and well being you may need to kick him out on his ass. He may get the wake up call he needs to get help. You can always tell him he is welcome back once he proves that he is willing to get help and takes it seriously. Bi-polars do need supportive families but if some one is none compliant you may just be enabling him to stay sick.

Doorknob-I do understand what you are saying. Sometimes I do feel that his father and I are enabling him and we have discussed so many times kicking him out. We just feel that we can't do that because he is our son and he has no where to go and doesn't know anyone here. We just moved to this area and I don't know what would happen to him if we did that.

As far as paying for his car and such, this has been a long on-going situation. We have been fighting him since we helped him buy the car in 2009. His father bought the car and Cameron co-signed with him on it. He was struggling so bad in high school that his ESE principal suggested that we send him to Florida Youth Challenge Academy to finish up his diploma. So we did and even though he was unable to complete for his diploma, he was able to get his GED. So, after 6 months of intense endurance and being residential there, he asked us that if he finished up the program would we help him buy the car. We did and ever since that day, we have fought him over holding a job and paying for it himself. Every time we talk about selling the car, he starts "looking" for another job. This time, I told him not to even bother. If the car wasn't motivation enough for him to keep a job over the last year and a half, then it wouldn't be now. I am just tired of playing his games and arguing with him about everything. I'm tired of him trying to make me feel sorry for him and then the first person that he lashes out at is me. I would love to get him in some type of residential type help, but we just found out that our health insurance doesn't pay for that...only in patient type thing. So, needless to say, we feel that we are banging our heads against the wall.

You are enabling him. Do not pay for his car. Insist he contribute to his food and lodging.

He is an adult and should be looking after himself, and if he is not capable of that then he needs to comply with the support services available to him.

He has shown that he responds to carrots and sticks with the looking for a job when you threatened to sell the car. When you told him not to bother, you gave in and enabled him. He needs a bigger stick not more freebies.

Set limits and boundaries. The more you give him for nothing, the more he is motivated to do nothing in return.

Ok

It truly may not be his fault that he can't hold a job, many bi-polars try very hard and still can't do it. But the problem is that he is refusing treatment. And the therapy is just as important as the medication. If he isn't willing to work on managing his illness himself than he probably does in fact need to be in some kind of residential help. If your insurance wont pay for it then you are going to have to get him off your insurance and put him in the hospital if they even take him (The hospital will get him the finances he needs and decide if he needs to be put in a home. In fact they will quickly get him the resources he needs). The problem is that they might not take him. I was just in the hospital and the only reason they took me is because I threatened suicide. Also the hospitals are usually only set up to deal with Suicidal, Homicidal, or people who put the general public at risk. They don't really treat any mental illnesses all though the will hold onto them for god knows how long and eventually get them in the right place. Also if they determine that he's well enough to make his own decision they will not be able to hold him for long. He can then leave on his own. If you are still offering him a place to stay he will end up right back with you again.

I know its hard as a parent but if all that fails you can then drop him off at the homeless shelter and let him deal with that for a while. it might just give him the wake up call he needs to take his own mental health seriously. You can give him a cell phone and pay for it so he'll stay in touch. If you later decide that it's not working hey you can always take him back.

That's really all the advice I can give you at this time.
And think about finding a support group for your self this really is for those who are diagnosed. People who have to deal with us and dealt with us in the past may have some other advice that I haven't thought of.

And good luck.

OH and when you do take him back make sure that it's only if he agrees to get help other wise make him sit in that shelter. They will also get him resources only if he is helping himself though.

Thanks Moltengold...I appreciate your input. I guess I am enabling him to some degree. I guess the maternal side of me just wants to protect him and also I am so frustrated with the whole deal that I don't even want him trying to get another job because he won't keep it. He has no social skills whatsoever and he takes everything that anyone says to him personal. Every job that he has lost has been because of employee conflicts. When I look back over his life, it is all so clear to me now.

I just feel that all of this is way out of my league now. When he was young, I could handle him, but now I can't. Should I give him an ultimatum and tell him that he has so many weeks to secure a job so that he can start paying for his car and contributing to his food and clothing? I already told him that I was going to sell the car. He didn't like that one bit. He is either going to have to get a job and HOLD it or he is going to have to find somewhere else to live; even if that means in a hospital somewhere. Is that too harsh?

whoa! Did you misunderstand? He may not be able to hold a job. I don't know. I'm sorry but your real concern should be his mental health, not his holding a job. Because if his mental health isn't taken care of he will not hold a job period.

This sounds now to me like you are more fed up with him for not having a job then your concern for his mental healthy.

If he can't hold a job which (he may or may not be able to.) You need to face that reality. But that's not for me to decide. First he needs some help for his mental illness. The job comes after that not before. But yes you are enabling him to stay mentally ill.

I am also going to say to NOT take him to the ER. ERs only take people who are suicidal / homicidal / a threat. Most of them barely have the resources for that as it is, nevermind trying to hold people that are not in that condition.

Seems as though your son, although it seems he has gone through a bit, has not reached his own personal rock bottom. It might be hard to understand as on the outside it is easy for us to look in and see how low a person has gone and see how extreme it is, often the person themselves do not perceive their situation to be as drastic as it is until they have reached their own personal limit.

That being said - if he isnt getting a job / going to school / attempting job or school and doesnt seem to have any motivation to change that, you are enabling him by providing the free food, shelter, and paying for his car. In his mind he most likely perceives things such as a job, going to school, etc, potentially being important, but he has food and housing handed to him regardless so how vital must they be?

It is also very true as someone has said that many people with mental illness find holding a job / keeping up with school extremely difficult. (at the pace I have been plugging through school I should know) As such I do not think the immediate goal is so much as getting him to hold a job (it is very likely with the stage of his illness he really cant) but rather getting him into treatment.

To really get him into a productive treatment though, he has to really WANT to get better. If he hasnt made the decision to work to get better on his own, do not force him into it. It will only create frusteration.

This is where it goes back to him needing to reach his rock bottom. Then, and only then, will he realize his need for treatment and can begin to truly get better.

So yes set limits. Rather than the limit being "hold a job or you cant stay" however, I feel it would be more on target if you were to say "try to get better and take treatment seriously or I cant support you."

Does that make sense?