thank you, I just still feel so numb, I'm tired-tired mentally- tired of waking up everyday- I do not have family support- I rarely talk to my family b/c I chose not to have an abortion a few years back- I had to choose him or my family- I chose my son- the meds seem to make me numb in ways- In ways I like not feeling-I don't want to feel, there's way too much pain when you have to feel. I take 100mg pritsiq daily and xanax 3 times a day-suposed to take seroquel 100mg at night but haven't in awhile-who knows why I haven't. I JUST PLAINLY DON'T CARE IF I DIE- I am ready for death- I have made all the amends i needed to and have asked for forgiveness. But still waiting- I really don't how much more waiting my mind can take-the voice in my head is constant now saying (death is better, so easy) I wish my brain wouldn't think like this- I have already signed a DNR, I am a organ donor, want to be cremated and I hope to make my will tomorrow. I need to get things in place- just in case-b/c at this point I really don't know what I'll do if I get to the point where my mind can't take it anymore. I 'm fighting a loosing battle daily- suicidal thoughts constantly daily-death-sadness- none of the meds help- I have switched so many meds so many times- still that suicidal depression cloud stays in my head.
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