I have been doing alright with my depression and mania but for the past few weeks have been up and down. There are times that I am ok and then I start with the crying thing and then there are times that I am just as happy as can be but that doesn't last long at all. I keep this mask on for my family so they really don't know how I feel. I'm not sure how they would react to what going on in my head? I'm not sure if the meds are working or not. I go see my therpist in about a week but I think I don't go see the doc this the end of Oct. So what am I going to do? Maybe talk to my therpist and see what she says? Maybe just talking to her will help...I doubt it but I can hope, right? I have issues with being alone, I don't think that I will ever find someone that will love me for me. Hell I really have issues with a lot in my life....I still live at home with my parents, my money is all screwy, I can't seem to get on top of anything!! Its like whatever I do I always fall down, no matter how hard I try to make things right I end up making the wrong choice. Why do I do that, its like the thing that will make me happy I mess up. I know in the back of my mind what I should do but I don't. I just don't get it. I see what others have and how happy they are and wish that I could be that way. I wonder if I will ever be that way, happy I mean? I know that there are going to be ups and downs in life but I just get downs when I want things to go right to make me somewhat happy. It just doesn't happen. Sometimes its hard to keep going but I do it. Sometimes the pain(physcial and mental) is so bad that I think I wont be able to get out of bed but I do it. I just keep hoping that the next day will be better and maybe something will go right or the way that I want it to.
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