I don't know what to do? I think I'm going through a mixed episode. I'm crying and hyper and God I want booze!!!!! I feel so goddamn alone! I don't want to talk to anyone about the thoughts going through my head, they wouldn't make sense anyway. I'm supposed to go to dinner with dad and Katie for her birthday celebration. Dreading that like a lamb going to slaughter. Food is fine, conversation is evil! Don't want to talk at all. Dad does not understand my moods. I freaked out and sent a text to Brandon too. I don't know why he can still love me? I wish I could be held, that's the only thing I want right now!
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