I feel the same way - instead of feeling better I feel worse - the phone calls stopped, the cards, the sympathy givers & when you think you need their support the most -they disappear. Life goes on for them - without us & we're left to continue on our way alone in our new life - without the people we loved so much.
My heart is still crushed - especially over my son - I'm not sure if they are afraid to, or possibly just can't tolerate our pain -
but I'm here - to help you tolerate yours.

A lot of people are afraid to ask after awhile for fear they will make you feel worse. This whole area is so touchy in so many ways. Can yu talk openly to some of them about how you feel?

Just wanted you to know I have been there. Yes, it is all such a touchy situation. Here we sit feeling more devastated than the day they died. I finally found one person who I could talk to and I lay it out for her. people Just don't know what to say. Communication about feelings weather it be love or grief is hard. We can't express really what is in our heart for a protection of the heart. Seek at least one person. If that person doesn't respond or can't be that rock, go to another. My prayers are going up to you.

NO sure why the world goes on when ours seems to have stopped. Lost my reason for living 4/25/07 and now I just move from one day to the next and you are right no one even calls anymore. Hugs to you.

Me

Shock of losing someone seems to start really when about six months pass. As before this like it was said ppl call, come by ask how your doing and when they feel your not greiving no more then all that stops.

It don't mean ppl don't love or like you no more they just feel they have done their best in the time of your need and now they go on with their lives and hoping you will do the same...

Yes the phone calls, the cards, the hugs and holding and kissing is gone and we only have our memories its just so sad...

Ppl told me each day that passes is a better day but don't belive that it was not for me and I greaved for the guy i loved for years...

Just lost a good friend last year watched him die and i still cry some days. As depression and greving can go on for many years and until our hearts, souls and minds heal that will happen.

And did it ever occur - that even if they do keep calling, they won't even WANT to hear about our heartbreak, let alone be fearful of causing more? That's another issue. We have to be on everyone else's grief schedule.

I had heard early on that it would happen this way. That in the beginning we're all so lost in the funeral, etc., it's surreal. When we finally come to, the funeral is over, the deceased and their family have lost that momentary attention when it seems the whole world has stopped for our grief.

We are almost alone in our grieving. Count on God always, particularly when the phone stops ringing.

I'm so sorry you feel so alone at this sensitive time. Please continue to share your feelings.

I could relate in some many ways.Husband passed a month ago of a heart attack . Now the phone bearly rings at all.

expressing our feelings is a healing process. some people do not know what it's like to have experienced it. DS bereavement support is great. tomorrow i'm joining a grief support group at church. praying for your healing. Bess

I feel for you too. When others in our lives start to expect us, the old us, to get up and rally it felt like a real insult to my loved one. I would say this and more often than not got the reply that unless I was joining him I had to start living again. Find a way to participate in life faking it. At times then it would just be a quiet moment in a hectic work day or something similar when the unexpected, "So how are you holding up?" was asked. I think what happened was my friends saw me going thru the motions, being productive and when it was appropriate they would ask after my state of mind. My pain.I hope your friends can do the same for you even without the talking at the moment. Chin up and you're not alone here. Anytime you can write on here and you will always get a reply. xxx

hey it is still new and fresh you are still in shock! Give yourself alot of time,,, it will ne ok, but right now... you know how it is

My Mother just passed on August 7th and I know what you are going thru. I am sorry. Yes everyone stops calling and life goes on and we are still mourning our love ones. My brothers act like nothing ever happen since Mom died and I am still lost. I don't and never will understand. I read alot of books on grief and heaven. I pray alot and talk to Mom. That is what I do to help. If you need to talk I am here.

well i am going to ask...how r u doing? I know it's hard when you lose a loved one...no one seems to ask how you are doing because...they probably haven't experienced a tragic loss in their life...I can say for you to keep your head held high as your are still his Mrs and God must be first...we do not understand why HE does what HE does and who are we to question but we have to find the new "new" of getting along without our loved ones and that my friend takes a lot of TIME...it's gets better day to day...keep chuggin, keep praying....GOD IS NOT GOING TO PUT ON YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN BEAR!!!

Just try to think of how he is NOW, at peace. I'm sure he's missing you too, and it's always a good idea to continue to "talk" to him directly. My brother of 40 years died of colon cancer 9 months ago, despite my best efforts of prayer and tears, begging God to give him the strength to beat the illness. It's been a shock and a devastation that has hollowed me to the core. I'm getting through it, though, as the memories of his last days on this earth fade and I think of him NOW, pain-free and with no need to make money, so no financial worries. I know it's a drag for him too, not being able to join me for an "executive lunch" of Subway followed by watching a movie at my place after he finished all his wine deliveries and had some time to "play hooky" from his job, or the rounds of golf he enjoyed with me and our dad, or family barbecues at our grandparents, or hanging out with his 16-year-old daughter. He'll have to watch her graduate and get married through our eyes I guess. But I very much try to keep including him, in all my activities, thoughts and emotions, into my heart. It seems to be working. The hurt is subsiding. I do have physical pains and muscle tension that comes and goes (I'm getting periodic orthobionomic massages for this as needs be, and it works). This is due to the fact that there's a hole in my heart that comes from wanting to reach out to him to physically hug him and I can't do that anymore. All any of us can do is love the people who are still here, even though they are not exactly like this person who has passed, and may not respond to our love in the same way, but that's OK; love them anyway.

I so much understand how you're feeling. It's no easier when your partner hasn't passed away but is left in a vegetative state. While I can grieve my big brother and my father, to continually see my partner and hope desperately that there's a flicker today.
It's when the friends all have done their polite grieving before getting back to work, sport, school etc that we really learn how it's us really - no-one else who has lost a loved one and whether anybody else seems aware of it or not we are the ones left to mourn. God bless and I hope you find the strength today to do what you need to. Kind regards, AnneH

I'm so sorry. My partner died of a heart attck in July 2007 and I feel just as raw today as the day of the funeral. You just don't want to forget anything. I did read a brilliant book by Virginia Ironside called the Rage of Bereavement. She goes through all the emotions in chapters but it is not a nauseating read of how it should be done but how you are coping, she writes for every greiving person. It helped me a lot.Even if it makes you realise that, yes, this is ok to be like this today.
I've had a rubbish weekend but its always like it at the weekends because that was when we used to be together.I wish I could speak to him too.