I miss you so much. I feel like I am dying inside. Nothing helps. Nothing seems to be able to pull this blanket of depression off of my back. I want you here. So badly. More than anything I have ever wanted anything in my entire life...I want you here to hug and love. My ears long to hear your voice and I just want to crawl away somewhere and whither on the outside the way my soul has done on the inside. No one understands. I don't know who I am anymore. I have always defines who I am by the reflection of myself I saw in your eyes. Who am I now? Who?!
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so down tonight. my body doesn't even want to move anymore. i just go sit somewhere and when i can't stand that, i go sit or lie somewhere. or i force myself to do a chore and then i go sit. completely drained. there's just nothing left in me. no fight. no will to fight. you wonder what the point is when it gets like this. you wonder how and why you've survived as long as you...
I don't think it is depression, I have been depressed and I know what that horror feels like (many times). I recently turned 69 and I went into a major bout of introspection of my life, of where I am, and what my future holds (it is all downhill from here...I may have 20 years or I may only have one, who knows). Looking back over my life I realize that all my life I have felt like I was on...