My entire family is dead. My father was the last member of my family. He loved life and everyone gravitated towards him. He always said good morning and blew kisses to the ladies. I have had a hard to adjusting. I have no friends and there are days when I actually talk to a human being. I never was a social butterfly and when I try to be friendly it comes out wrong and people just don't respond to me. I get paranoid because I tried chat rooms and the same response is there too.I always had a fascination with death and since everyone I love is dead I wish every night to die too. Selfish yes, but the pain loneliness, regret and guilt I have being the last of my family is unbearable. I pray for sleep because it only then I am happy but then I wake up and remember they are all dead. I will not hurt myself ,I couldn't because both of my sisters died an excruciating death ( cancer and wilsons disease) . I will exist until it is time for me to be with my family . I have no reason to live just waiting .
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