My husband and I had been together for almost 32 years. He is 53. He died so suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms on June 23rd 2008, the funeral was held on Friday 4th July. I was in shock for ages and then there was the planning of the funeral and other things to organise and I sort of went in to auto pilot mode. Last night I had a dream about him, the first night I have had proper sleep. In the dream he took a pill and died and then someone rubbed his back and he was alive again and then he took another pill and I rubbed his back and he was alive again although I could not hear what he was saying to me. I was so happy to have him back I did not want to wake up. When I did I turned and looked at the empty side of the bed and realised that, thats all it had been, a dream. I hav'nt stopped crying all day. I don't want to live without him. I can't go on without him. I do not believe in god if there was a god why would he do this to us. Why would he take away the only man I have ever loved the perfect husband, father, friend. So many people have lost so much with his death its just not fair. I need to be with him. I love him so much. I cannot bear to be without him. What can I do?????
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