I do pretty well during the day. My days are never without something to do, having two kids, a part-time job and my volunteer work. It never fails, however, that I miss Madison the most when everything is quiet, the kids are in bed, and I lay my head down on my pillow. Before I go to sleep I always picture her in my head. I think its because she often slept next to my in bed. I liked to hold her a lot because she didn\'t get much holding immediately after she was born. (She was in the hospital for five weeks with her first heart surgery.) So just about ever night I lay my head down on my pillow and a few tears hit the pillow as well. I roll on my side and remember what it was like to have my little girl curled up next to me cuddling or nursing. That\'s when my arms feel the most empty and that little hole in my heart seems to echo through my body a little more.
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