Bereavement Support Group
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I love the Word Association thread we have on this board. But I was thinking that when I first came to DS, I was desperate to find a way to hold on. I was insane with grief, out of my mind with sadness and looking for any advice or ideas that helped other people.
I thought we could start a thread that people could add to. I know we have the questionnaire on our profiles, but this would be different. I propose that folks write a few sentences that would help new people here have a resource. It should be what has worked for you to handle the specific issues that we have all faced. You can post whenever you find something that works.
I think it would help to make it simpe for someone to find just what they need. Like list the specific problem first and then what you do/did that really helped. If anyone has a different idea, please add it and let's make this an ongoing thread that might end up something that anyone coming to DS could use.
So, just to start, I will write something. I am pretty new to this grief journey as my mom just died in July. I am no where near any kind of expert but I have had one thing that I have been able to find a way to handle so I will start there.
What worked for me.
Problem: I could not close my eyes without seeing my mother's face the minute she died.
What worked: (so far) I picked the person in my life I trust the most and I asked if I could tell the story of my mom's last hour. I needed a witness. I know that sounds odd, but I just couldn't contain it in my own head. So I picked a person I trust and asked if I could just tell them about that hour a few times until I quit crying. Then I wrote my mom a letter and told her everything I needed her to know. I buried it with some tiger lily bulbs ( my mom's favorite flower). And at least for the last weeks, I can close my eyes and not see her dead face.
What has worked for you?
Caroline
I thought we could start a thread that people could add to. I know we have the questionnaire on our profiles, but this would be different. I propose that folks write a few sentences that would help new people here have a resource. It should be what has worked for you to handle the specific issues that we have all faced. You can post whenever you find something that works.
I think it would help to make it simpe for someone to find just what they need. Like list the specific problem first and then what you do/did that really helped. If anyone has a different idea, please add it and let's make this an ongoing thread that might end up something that anyone coming to DS could use.
So, just to start, I will write something. I am pretty new to this grief journey as my mom just died in July. I am no where near any kind of expert but I have had one thing that I have been able to find a way to handle so I will start there.
What worked for me.
Problem: I could not close my eyes without seeing my mother's face the minute she died.
What worked: (so far) I picked the person in my life I trust the most and I asked if I could tell the story of my mom's last hour. I needed a witness. I know that sounds odd, but I just couldn't contain it in my own head. So I picked a person I trust and asked if I could just tell them about that hour a few times until I quit crying. Then I wrote my mom a letter and told her everything I needed her to know. I buried it with some tiger lily bulbs ( my mom's favorite flower). And at least for the last weeks, I can close my eyes and not see her dead face.
What has worked for you?
Caroline
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Problem---- I can't sleep at all. Never. I just can't forget.
What works-- I finally broke down my pride and went to the Doctor and got some short term sleeping pills. I will admit that while I still feel so crappy inside, at least I get a few hours sleep and it helps a lot.
Is that what you want?
Annie
You kind of blow me away, this is a great idea.
So I will add.
Problem; I got really fat after my son died. I couldn't move, I couldn't eat, how did I get fat? I guess I ate crap.
What worked: I decided to act like my son when he was alive. He was so full of life. He ate organic, he ran, he never turned down a game of football or volleyball. So now that is me too. It helps me feel close to him, and I am getting more fit.
You rock Girl, I will write you a message about your post.
MattsDad
Problem....I was very angry at my husband and God for taking him away from me so early in our lives together. I wrote letters expressing my anger at both of them. I realize it isn't their faults but I needed to get it off of my chest and was very private, which I didn't want to share with anyone. I am no longer angry at either of them. I was allowing the angry take away from the precious memories and love we shared.
I hope this is kind of what you were looking for in the post.
You had an excellent idea.
Kim
KIm that was beuatuful...
what else has worked for all of you?
Caroline
Problem - i couldn't get used to the idea of never talking to my mum again, it seems horrific to think that i will never hear her voice again.
What works - i have a picture of her on my dressing table and every morning while i am getting ready i talk to her, tell her everything that i have done am going to do, ask her questions. It is a real time of reflection for me and it helps me get through the day
Problem: I am so damn mad all the time. I want my best friend back and she is not coming back.
What works: I just joined a kickboxing class. I cry sometimes while I am kicking the bag as hard as I can. But I can tell it is untensing my body.
I have other problems I haven't figured out yet, so I hope other people will post what works.
RainDancer
What works: The only thing I have come up with is that I stay alive just because I refuse to let the people who killed my husband "win". But I need more help, so I will be reading this subject a LOT.
No sure if this is what you had in mind...
Problem: Finding a reason to live.
Current Solution: I know my beloved Mike is in heaven. If I do anything to end my time here, we will never have a chance to be together again.
Problem: I am a therapist, but I hurt all he time. People think that I don't hurt like they do and so I find that no one ever asks me how I am doing.
What works: I joined a gardening club dedicated to people who died. I love being with people who are using their sadness and grief to try to make beauty live. People want to hear your story and even though people cry sometimes or ask to just be left alone with the garden, it always makes me feel better to go there. I find so much solace in watching the garden change and as corny as it sounds, I love being involved with living plants. It makes me feel like life does go on somehow.
I am going to read this thread a lot, I have real trouble with my grief and I like this idea a lot. Thanks
Problem: Deep, scary Loneliness.
What works: I am volunteering with kids, they give me joy. I am also coming here a lot and that has helped.
What worked for me: I made a memorial web page for him. As yet I have not shared this with my family, still my personal thing for my Dad..but one day I will share it with them