WOW. I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!!!
when someone we love so much passes away, it seems like we lose apart of us, too. It does get frustrating that none of your friends understand. I think going to a grief support group could help you finding other people who understand, and I bet they feel the same way with their friends. I think it is important to try to explain yourself, but if they are your friends, they probably know what has happened, so they should not need an explanation. My friends do not understand either, and I soemtimes I feel like I am putting on a mask and acting like I'm fine. I think that explaining yourself you are giving yourself reassurance to what you need to do. You sound like a strong person who cares alot about your friends, but remember real friends will stay with your no matter what. Friends are a shoulder to cry on and are there to listen. I dont think your friends will be mad at you when you try to explain yourself. If they do get mad at you...you probably might need some new friends.

You should definitely try to explain yourself...and only you know if they are real friends.

I think that friends who have never lost a parent really don't know what you are going through. They are trying, to the best of their ability, to reach out to us to let us know that they care. That is why they are calling you - because they care.

I think that you should be a friend back to them and try to let them know what you are going through. That's what friends do - they reciprocate in times of need.

After my mother and sister were killed, I also had a very hard time going out, I just couldn't bare to see happy people. I just wanted to scream at them, and tell them "if you knew what has happened, if you knew them --you wouldn't be so happy". It has been alittle over 2 months now, it is easier to go out, I don't feel guilty so much anymore for smiling and laughing. My wake up call was when my daughter-who is going through a nasty divore with an abusive man--she is only 23--called me crying and said she needed her Mama back. She loved her auntie and her grandmother also but, she needed me back. She missed me. So try not to forget, even though they didn't lose a father like you--they are losing you.They are your friends for a reason, at some time you liked them and enjoyed the friendships, remember that and know --one day you will have this in common with them because everyone gets a turn in that long black car. Everyone will lose someone they love, and when their time comes they will need you to be there to tell them what they are feeling is "normal". I haven't felt "normal" for a long time, it's a new chapter in the book of Karen, and it's up to me to make my Mama and sister proud of me. Just try to think about what your father would want for you!
Always here if you need me.
Karen