I've dealt with a lot of death over the last nearly 24 years of my life. But other than loosing my dad, nothing has hit me harder than loosing my grandparents. They are my mom's parents. My grandmother died July of '00 and my grandfather just this past December. I haven't been back to the cemetery since we buried my grandfather...tonight on my way home from work I just felt compelled to go. I sat out there between the 2 and just cried. I hate that they are gone. It's not fair! I need them both, especially my grandmother so much right now. I know it's selfish and I know that they are both at peace now but I want them here with me!!!! When I saw the foot stone at my grandfather's grave that said US Air Force...I was so proud and I Just put my hand on that cold stone and said a prayer for all those soldiers that are still fighting today. I also was hit with a flood of memories...his stories of being in the Air Force, the accident that nearly killed him...the funeral and the 2 service men saluting the hearse, saluting as the pall bearers had the casket, saluting as taps was played...I cry every time. I can't sleep tonight and that really sucks because I have to work tomorrow. I feel a little better now that I've finally gone back, but I didn't want to leave...I wished I could just lay down between them and just die and be with them. I wanted to talk to a friend about all this but he's not talking right now...so DS has been my support throughout everything going on with my soon to be ex husband so I thought I'd look for some support from here...thanks for your time and reading this.
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